For those of you that don't know anything about the 14th member of the SEC here is a little tutorial to help you understand us better. WE are an odd bunch and will take some getting used to.

MISSOURI - The name originates from from the Sioux Indians. It literally means "town of the large canoes". Which happens to be linked to one of my favorite pastimes. Canoeing. When visiting the State of Missouri you must learn something very important otherwise you will be confused and disoriented. Missouri has a bad case of DID or better known as Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder) We really don't know who we are or who we are supposed to be.

History has caused this condition. We have been embroiled in this identity crises for most of our existence. It was much easier to explain who we were when the entire population was involved in simple fur trading back when the French owned the place. After that it got complicated. A modern analogy states that St. Louis is the Westernmost Eastern City and Kansas City is the Easternmost Western City. Here is where the confusion begins, we don't know if we are Eastern or Western. The Civil War made the Identity crisis even worse because the state was absolutely split as to whether it was Northern or Southern. I was raised in the Southern part of the state. I was actually born in Arkansas because that was the closest hospital. I spent my youth learning about cotton farming and grew up with a southern accent that could pass for anyone from the deep south. My wife still teases me when I slip into this way of speaking anytime I am around my relatives. So I personally consider myself Southern. There are those in the State of Missouri who absolutely believe that they are Northerners. They generally look down their noses at those of us that still have a Southern drawl to our speech. I personally just refuse to acknowledge that any Northerners live in the state. Our recent commitment to join the South Eastern Conference made me ecstatic. You will run into others like me on your way through the state. If you are driving up Interstate 55 you may swear that you are in South Carolina until you reach Cape Girardeau (note the French sounding name), that is where things get hilly and you won't see anymore cotton growing. When you reach St Louis you may think that you have entered a city that looks like Chicago or Detroit. Burned out buildings are very common in the bad parts of town in St. Louis. As you head west from St. Louis you will feel like you are in Kentucky or Ohio. Rolling hills, sometimes flat but still lots of agriculture and small towns. This will be the most common route most of you from the SEC will take. Those coming from Arkansas will come up from the Branson/Springfield area. This is absolutely the Ozark Hillbilly side of Missouri. I am currently living in the northern sector of the Ozark Hillbilly area. and yes this is where you hear about all that Meth production going on. In the past it was Moonshiners, now it is Meth. It is easy to do illegal things in the Ozarks because we have lots and lots of trees and gravel roads that go to nowhere. Kind of a moonshiners/meth cookers paradise. It is also a hunter's, canoer's, camper's, fishing paradise as well. Most of you won't get to see the Yankee section of the state since it is North of Columbia. It looks a lot like Iowa or Nebraska.

The people you will meet are just as diverse. The bootheel section of the state will make most SEC visitors feel like they never left home. The St. Louis residents act more like a more Easterly city, Rude and Impatient mostly. Columbia will be a mixture of everything. For those traveling through Branson, think Nashville or Pigeon Forge lots of starving actors or singers.

Now to Columbia. We will have to get used to all the visitors. If you are planning to come to Columbia to catch a game I will suggest that it will be much easier to get a hotel room outside of Columbia. There are many hotels and motels East of Columbia and South of Jefferson City at Lake of the Ozarks. Most of the hotels in Columbia and Jefferson City get booked solid for games. I personally drive in from the Lake of the Ozarks on game days and it is not a bad drive. 4 lane highway the whole way plus you might even decide to make a weekend out of the trip and spend some time fishing or boating on the lake before or after the game. Some people fly into St Louis and spend the night there and then drive about 1 hour and 30 minutes west to Columbia. St Louis does have the Arch and Riverboat Casinos but I have never really enjoyed the place. Got mugged there once and decided that I did not enjoy it very much and really do not want to experience it again.

As for the Campus and Stadium. Not bad but parking could be better. The campus is nice and the downtown is actually a pretty good place to hang out before and after the game. Tailgating in the large parking lots is standard. Lots of grills and food smells filling the air. Also lots of beverage consumption. We also used to go out to the cars at halftime and have a few more beers but I hear that the SEC frowns on this practice so I guess we will have to stop doing it. I will expect a lot more booze will be smuggled into the stadium.

Oh and the most important thing to know about MIZZOU fans is we don't like anything that is even remotely associated to large beaked imaginary cartoon birds. That includes anything that has the word kANSAS in it. Tough luck for Ar kansas. You will immediately draw our ire for having a state name with the word kansas included in it.