Minutes from Annual Big 3 Meeting Dec 17, 2012 (Often imitated never duplicated)

So, the Big 3 met again today in a regularly scheduled annual meeting. Several things were discussed, including current member standing, organization projections, and inclusion of new members.

The meeting focused on the following data. The top 3 in each category is highlighted in blue. The goldenrod programs are second class programs.



Current Member Standing
The two charter members, Kentucky and Arkansas read a statement to junior member Florida: "At this time, you are officially on probation. It looks like you are a flash in the pan program, the antithesis of this organization. Since your titles were consecutive, we will grant some leeway but you need to return to winning soon or else membership may be revoked."

Organization Projections
From the data, the Big 3 concluded that the organization is likely to remain at 3 members for the foreseeable future. The current climate is not suited for new members.

Applications for membership
As with almost all exclusive clubs, the Big 3 receives numerous application throughout the year. This year we received application from LSU, and Missouri. At this time, Big 3 chairman Kentucky spoke:

"LSU, you may have a few final fours and elite eights. But as you always say to Arkansas fans: championships or bust. You commonly say beating LSU and obtaining a BCS berth is a dogshit football season, well we are telling you that unless you have a title we will not consider your application. Put simply, you are dogshit"

Kentucky then addressed Missouri:

"Missouri, you seem to have almost no history to speak of. We at the Big 3 all have storied histories to go with our numerous titles and final fours. You seem to have neither the wins or tradition we seek in a member. Also, a classy student section is a must. I'm afraid the Antlers will not fit in with the distinguished ladies and gentlemen of the Big 3.

You commonly say Arkansas hasn't won anything of note in the recent past. We are here to remind you that you have never won anything ever. At this time, your application is denied until at least 4 final fours and one title have been obtained. Good luck, you're gonna need it."

The Big 3 also issued a statement to the remaining SEC teams:

"We often hear talk about SEC basketball being of inferior quality. This is a reminder that we are the upper crust while you languish in the cellar. In short: don't call us, we'll call you".

The meeting was closed at 5:00 pm CST.

If you reply to this post something to the extent of "who cares, TLDR, no one cares about basketball, etc", please remember that it was you who clicked on this post!