HAPPY PRESIDENT'S DAY: EDSBS does Presidents, assigns each to a University

quote:

---

Thomas Jefferson. Bought Louisiana, had zero scruples, drank hard, and invented the disgraceful sex scandal. LSU

---

quote:

---

Ulysses S. Grant. Spectacularly corrupt, wildly popular, prone to drinking, and known mostly for being good at something else entirely. KENTUCKY

---

quote:

---

William McKinley. Was goaded into war by the press, wound up being shot by an unemployed anarchist. THE NCAA.

---

quote:

---

Theodore Roosevelt. A raging, half-mad, football-obsessed egomaniac obsessed with war, shooting people, being shot, killing animals, punching people, being punched, and generally proving himself to be the baddest man in the room despite being born into every advantage on the planet in his chosen sphere. Counted more territories as his than he actually had. ALABAMA

---

quote:

---

Dwight D. Eisenhower. Known for producing ineffectual subordinates and would rather be at Augusta National. GEORGIA

---

quote:

---

John F. Kennedy. Spent a good portion of the day with his pants down or looking for amphetamines. Bought titles for the whole family? AUBURN

---

quote:

---

Lyndon B. Johnson. Known for continuing a long war he could not possibly win. Like a certain mascot, was known for pooping in front of people. TEXAS A&M

---

quote:

---

Jimmy Carter. No one's still really sure how this happened. GEORGIA TECH

---

quote:

---

George H.W. Bush. Turned a relatively minor political family into a dynasty only to watch some idiot who'd been stashed in Texas turn it into a disgraceful joke. FLORIDA

---

quote:

---

Bill Clinton. Massive failures, massive comebacks, more massive failures, and a propensity for getting caught with their pants down in so many ways. Prone to bloat. ARKANSAS

---

quote:

---

George W. Bush. HE'S WILL MUSCHAMP NO THAT'S NOT A TEAM BUT THAT'S WHAT HE IS WE ALREADY SOLVED THAT NEXT NEXT NEXT---

---