Dear State: 2015 Egg Bowl's Eve Edition

Dear State,

I'll keep it simple this year because it's 2015 and I've posted every single thing over the years that I can post to make fun of you guys.

Chad Kelly is every bit the quarterback that Dak Prescott is and that probably makes you angry. I understand though. If I had to deal with the reality that the most decorated QB in my pathetic program's history is grading out as a mid-round NFL draft pick at TE, I would be mad too.

You guys have prided yourselves over the years on having a great running game and a salty defense. You have neither this year. Every good player on your defense is injured right now and the fatass that you guys like to prop up as a Nkemdiche-killer is slow to the ball and constantly out of position BUT keep touching yourself about that time a few years ago when he tackled Nkemdiche on that 4th down. When your program is as shitty as Mississippi State's, you have to be pretty liberal with what you call "highs" due to the non-stop lows.

Speaking of Lowe's, Dak's going to make a great department manager at one in a few years. If he works hard and takes his #TrueMaroon work ethic with him.

We have to discuss last year's Gameday guest pickers. Ole Miss' was an international superstar who took the time to troll our biggest rival when she had no reason to. Big time. Your Gameday guest picker last year was a washed-up piece of shite relief pitcher wearing a pimp suit chewing on a cigar that he probably has no idea how to even cut and light. That's seriously the best you guys could do.

I'm very confident about the game tomorrow. The reason is that you guys constantly and consistently play like pussies against any team who Muffin perceives to be above-average. Kentucky? Play balls to the wall. Alabama? Play like pussies. Arkansas? Play balls to the wall. Ole Miss? You already know.

In conclusion, frick you and every piece of shite fan who has ever muttered the pitiful phrase "Hail State" or rung a crap-arse cowbell in a football stadium because your little high-school stadium can't get loud enough legally.

frick you and good night.

Sincerely,

TSUN

P.S.