Two Alabama Engineering students were asked to measure the height of a flag pole as a class assignment. They decided to measure the flag pole outside of Legion Field at the south end of the stadium. While attempting this task one student would hold the tape while the other climbed the flag pole with the other end of the tape. Much to their disappointment the student climbing the pole kept sliding down and could not get to the top. An astute Aurburn graduate was observing from a distance and suggested that the Alabama students disconnect the flag pole and measure the pole while on the ground. The Alabama students enraged by the suggestion yelled out " We want to know how tall it is not how long it is you idiot"
A Barner walks into a bar and asks about a jar stuffed with $10 bills.
The bartender says, "It's a contest. Give me $10 and I'll tell you what you have to do to win it all."
The Barner gives him a $10, and the barkeep says, "First, you have to chug a bottle of tequila in one drink. Second, there's a Doberman out back that has a bad tooth you've gotta pull. Finally, you have to completely satisfy an 80 y/o whore upstairs that hasn't had an orgasm in 20 years."
The Barner says, "Hell, I can do that." He slams the bottle of tequila, and staggers out the back door. Everyone in the bar is speechless as they hear the most awful snarling, growling, barking, and blood-curdling shrieks of pain. Eventually the dog quiets down and begins to whimper.
The back door pops open. The poor Barner is bloody, and most of his clothes are chewed off. He asks, "Hokay, so whersh dis whore wif the bad tooth?"