A Fun, Realistic(?) 10 Year Projection for LSU **sarcastic**

Let me preface this by saying that most of this projection is based on wild assumptions that will not happen. This is purely for fun and a change of pace from all the bullshite we've had to read on tRant for the past couple of days. It is lengthy. It is delusionally optimistic. It is not meant to be taken seriously. And I hope y'all enjoy.





2015-2016: Feeling the heat from the board of directors and fans alike, the Mad Hatter pulls himself together, squeaks by A&M and defeats a decent Florida State team in a New Years' Bowl. Wondering why they cannot have their cake and eat it too, the Ranters are upset to hear that Les will be returning for the 2016 season. Les continues his legacy and finishes strong with a #1 class on signing day. Everybody is confused, but nobody is really surprised.

2016-2017: With the corndog-scented breath of LSU's boosters tickling the back of Miles' neck, he hits a homerun in hiring Mike Leach as the OC, following Cam Cameron's expected retirement. Kevin Steele realizes the task at hand with his lack of depth at linebacker (insert generic Chavis complaint), and decides to focus his efforts on the position for the upcoming season. DACOACHO is promoted to DC and handles it with aplomb. August arrives, and is quickly followed by the annual hype train.

After a tough but convincing victory in Lambeau Field to start the season, the Bayou Bengals proceed to run through the usual suspects "like shite through a tin horn" (credit: Nick Saban, 2015). November passes, and Les fends off his demons to complete the regular season undefeated. In the SEC Championship, LSU wins over Tennessee in the most Les Miles way possible; a Josh Dobbs' TD scramble is negated by a phantom-holding call; Butch melts on the sideline and LSU escapes 24-21 and heads to the playoff. Leonard Fournette wins the Heisman, obviously.

Upon winning the playoff, Les Miles cements his status as an all-time great and retires. Additionally, it turns out the TAF was scheming for the past 12 months to fire Joe Alleva, simultaneously allowing Les to take over as AD (this perfectly explains Joe's apparent indifferent comments regarding Les the year previous). The Rant then tells you they trusted Les all along; everyone is angry.

2017-2022 (wild assumptions begin here): Donald Trump's Presidential Inauguration is immediately followed by not only a victorious duel to the death with Vladimir Putin on the White House Lawn, but also an announcement that ISIS is next. The price of oil proceeds to skyrocket for the next half decade, allowing the O&G ballers in TAF to operate carte blanche as if they are African Warlords.

With Gary Patterson now at the helm, an all-star supporting cast of Tom Herman (OC) and Bud Foster (DC) help usher in LSU's true golden era. After another two championships, talk of rivaling Bama's dynasty earlier in the milennium becomes rampant. Paul Finebaum announces his lifelong fandom of Death Valley; College Gameday analyst Nick Saban constantly suggests he woke the sleeping Baton Rouge giants two decades ago. TigerDroppings incorrectly tells the world that their humble plan to stay true to Les Miles paid off.

2023-2025: Following Gary Patterson's forced retirement (two straight 11-2 seasons put the Rant on suicide watch), the Tiger's struggle to find an adequate replacement. Kendall Briles is brought in to adapt to the SEC's new "super spread" gameplay and the Rantards finally get the offense it wants; however, the rising popularity of soccer in America (and especially Louisiana) means the once top notch athletes of the Boot has gone dry. This proves to be both LSU and college football's ultimate demise

After a consistent decline in wins, LSU finishes the 2025 season with a 7-5 record, leaving the TAF to once again pick up the pieces. Talk of tDecline is dusted off like nothing ever happened, and the shite talking begins anew; because this is an anonymous message board. TigerDroppings, like the pack of goldfish they are, collectively agree that the I-Formation is the remedy LSU needs, and long for Les Miles' not-so-secret playbook. The cycle officially completes.

TL;DR - Everybody wants what they can't have and it is hilarious