surge is back!

The comment about the kids dad leaving his mom for a whore is priceless.

According to the reviews your stomach is going to consume your inerds and your nutz are gonna fall off.....having said that, ill take one mixed with moonshine.

I'm married so my wife already has my testes in a jar so no worried about them falling off.

mine will be here today. $14

It was 1997. I was just another faceless 13-year-old seventh grader roaming the middle school halls. I remember it like it was yesterday. On that day, at 9:03 AM, my life was changed forever. Returning from an emergency trip to the bathroom to remove a piece of an Airhead from my braces, there was a deafening crash. Everything went dark.

When the dust settled, I found myself glued to the floor not able to move a muscle. My newly teenaged eyes had never seen something so sexy -- so tantalizing -- so green. I read the selections on the right hand side of the machine over and over again and can still recite that perfect line up from top to bottom: Surge, Surge, Surge, Surge, Surge, Surge, Surge, Surge, Fruitopia (I can only assume the school board required at least one serving of fruit be available in each machine...hence the Fruitopia...).

I pulled a crisp dollar bill out of my velcro wallet and gently inserted it into the machine. Just the tip first, to see how it felt, and then slowly eased in the rest of the bill. Silence. After what seemed like an eternity, the green machine rumbled violently and, with a deep groan, dispensed a frigid 20 oz bottle of Zeus's sweet nectar. I carefully picked it up and gently turned the cap counterclockwise...

A glorious beam of light shone straight towards the heavens. Every locker door burst open at once and the floor became littered with the charred remains of JTT posters, Jansport backpacks, and Lisa Frank pencils. It seemed like only twinkies and Five Star First Gear notebooks could survive such a blast.

Hesitating, I took my first sip. An intense burst of power and confidence immediately rushed through my body. My beat up old sneakers turned into Adidas Gazelles, my jean shorts to Umbros, my t-shirt all of a sudden read "NO FEAR", and my braces fell right off to reveal perfectly straight teeth. I couldn't keep the ladies off of me. Every time I played MASH, I ended up in a mansion. Life was good. Really good. REALLY GOOD.

In 2003, things changed forever and I sunk into a deep, comatic lemon/lime depression. Surge was discontinued. How? Why? I'll never know. But today I can get my life back on track. The relentless letters to Congressmen and all of the hours spent protesting outside of Coke's headquarters finally paid off. I welcome Surge back into my life with open arms. My Casio calculator watch still flashes 9:03 AM. *9:03*9:03* Just one sip and my life will be put back into motion. What will 9:04 feel like? I don't know. But I do know I can't wait.

Surge. Forever. For - eh - ver.

You are a true American

I was too busy being an idiot. But at least I had dunkaroos.

Also, if you liked Hinesville's post check out the reviews on there. It's that and more. Pretty fricking excellent.

Some other funny comments

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I just spent 45 dollars on soda and i'm not even mad

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I am converting my 401k into Surge. I am gonna ride out this market.

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My brother has been in a coma for 12 years. I whispered into his ear that they were bringing Surge back and he shot straight up, did a backflip out of bed and roundhouse kicked a nurse.

The miracle is real. SUUUUUUURRRRRGGGGGEEEEE!

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I would drink Surge even if it made my penis fall off.

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When I heard Surge was back, I didn't know what all the fuss was about. Wasn't it just Coke's 90s Mountain Dew knockoff? Not only was I terribly mistaken, but I had woefully underestimated what this incredible concoction was capable of.

I ordered this 12 pack of 16oz cans when they became available after their initial sellout. Upon receiving the package, I immediately filled a tall glass with ice to sample this much ballyhooed delicacy. As I cracked open the can, the typical puff of pressurized CO2 was nowhere to be heard. Instead, I could hear the sweet whispers of angels calling to me. "Drink this and become divine" one said. "You will experience heaven on Earth" said another. "Wait, damn, I'm supposed to be inside a can of Guinness!" said a third.

More eager than ever to taste this sweet delight, I poured it into my glass. As it contacted, I noticed a peculiar change come over my glassware. I wasn't sure what had happened, but as I ran my finger around the rim of the glass, it began to emit a distinct chime. Surge had turned my discount Bed Bath & Beyond glassware into crystal!

I was taken aback by this development. I knew that before I induged in this myself, I had to see whether this transmutative treat had the same effect on other objects. To my astonishment, it turned my sister's Justin Bieber album into Back in Black, her Twilight books into The Lord of the Rings, and her Beats by Dre into Bose QC 15s!

Unable to contain myself any longer, I raised my glass to my lips and drank deeply of this legendary libation. Instantly I could hear a venerable voice call to me "You have chosen wisely." The changes happened almost instantaneously. The hair on my head grew back thicker and fuller than it had ever been before I had lost it. I watched as my stomach shrunk down to the smallest it had been since high school. Then, an epiphany came over me, so clutching my now too loose pants, I ran into my office and typed a treatise which I submitted to the UN. They took my advice, and within a month there was peace in the Middle East and cancer had been eradicated! They gave me the Nobel Peace prize and built a statue of me in my home city!

Now I see why this beverage is so hallowed. It is truly the greatest gastrological generation of our time.

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This was my childhood. Bout to crush some Surge and Dunkaroos while playing Goldeneye and watching WCW Nitro all night, mother frickers.

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Well no wonder we all got fat


worth it