Name 3 things you did as a kid that embarrassed your parents

I can only think of two as a young kid.

1. I've always had a loud voice. We were in church and I failed to whisper when I asked the question "Mom, why does that lady have blue hair?" (It was a really old lady). She tried to quiet me, but I kept asking over and over, getting louder each time until she finally had to take me out of church. I got a spanking for that.

2. At King's Island, I was walking around with a tambourine asking strangers for money, and then later on decided I needed to get up on stage and dance with some of the park characters. No spanking for that one though.

We had those, but it was called Children's Church. I had to be taken out of church many times, because I could never be quiet.

1. I broke shite and blamed it on my little brother. I got away with it too until my mom caught me.

2. When my little brother was a baby I tricked him into thinking he didn't want his food.
3. Not me but my little brother used to pull down his pants and underwear whenever he had to pee. Even in public. He did it until he was like 4 or 5. Had no shame either. That had to have embarrassed my dad.

I had only 2 things that I've done that ever embarrassed my parents.


The day before Halloween we had went to a haunted house. I had a stomach ache, in the entrance you had to crawl through a tunnel. As you crawl there was a plexiglass floor with a chamber. In the chamber was a guy that will jump up and slam the walls with a strobe light. I puked all over the plexiglass. The people that worked there thought it was the funniest thing ever because the only way out was through the plexiglass. Apparently the guy puked in the chamber as well.



It was my parents anniversary and we all went out to red lobster. I had a cold and a lot of chest congestion. We were seated in the middle row of seats in a three aisle set. My older brother had gotten a lobster and was playing with it. I started laughing uncontrollably and then I started to projectile vomit. My mother in a reaction attempt shove her napkin in my mouth which then pressurized the puke. It flew everywhere, over our dividing wall, over two tables across from us, over their wall to the table on the other side, into the kitchen, and all over the floor. The shock on everyone's face was priceless. Later that month the restaurant shut down and 8 months later a new one was built a couple of miles down the road. I'm still teased today 20 years later about shutting down a Red Lobster.

Well, I once fell asleep on my bed trying to masturbate, and was awakened when my dad walked in telling me that mom had dinner ready. Caught with my pants down. He knew what I was doing, and I knew he knew what I'd been doing. There was nothing for me to say. Embarrassed is not a strong enough word.

First: I was playing basketball and I fell down, slid across the floor and pretended to convulse on the floor when I was like I don't know, 8?

Second: Used to act really, really retarded in stores and she'd pretend not to know me.

Third and most recent: She came to visit me in Mexico City and I'd tell her that guys were flirting with her (they weren't, but she doesn't understand Spanish) when I told her that they weren't really flirting she hit me.

Threw Easter Eggs at people driving past our church while everyone else was paying attention to the Sunrise Service.

Stole popsicles from the spare popsicle cooler at the cow auction while no one was looking ... ran into a barn to eat them. Problem was, the spares were kept on dry ice and when I slapped one on my tongue it stuck ... frozen to my tongue. So I had to go back in the cow auction in front of hundreds of farmers with my tongue hanging out and this dry ice popsicle stuck to it. They melted it off eventually with nehi and coffee. But it damaged my tongue and caused some later problems. Momma was double pissed.

Another time, we were at the lake at a family reunion picnic ... and I threw a cane pole through my sister's nose by accident. Like a spear ... a fishing pole, cane pole, 10 footer. That was a bad day. I expected a beatin' but they didn't ... figures I felt bad enough I guess. Sister had to go to Atlanta for plastic surgery.

Then there was this time in high school when I was banging out this gal on the back forty in one of the hay barns. We were buck naked, it was summertime and hot during the day. We had thrown our clothes on top of this square bail of hay up in the loft ... when all of the sudden this neighbor farmer came driving into the barn, (Dad had sold him some hay), and it startled us and the girl grabbed for her clothes and accidentally knocked the hay bail off the ledge of the loft and it landed, with all of our clothes, on the hood of the neighbor farmer's brand spanking new '66 Chevy truck ... dented the hell out of it. So this girl, she hides behind this stack of hay in the loft and there wasn't enough room for me ... so I decided to run interference and cause a distraction, (in other words I panicked), and I run and grab the hoist rope and swing outta the loft like Tarzan, buck naked, and land on the ground on a dead run. This farmer, who I knew very well and was always visiting with my Mom and Dad, watched as I ran in a dead sprint neked across the hayfield in front of him heading for the treeline. He later said it was faster than I ever ran on a ffootball field or baseball diamond ... but he never told my dad, and he never asked who the girl was he saw over behind the hay ... she later told me he simply said, "little lady, I'm gonna put your clothes over here and come back later."

My brothers got caught laughing about it a few days later when they heard about it from the girl's older sister ... got caught by my dad so they told him.

I ended up paying for the hood on that pickup.

Then there was this time when I was waterskiing ... we used to wear cutoff jeans back then, usually cutoffs from handmedowns from jeans my older brothers had worn the knees out of or something. But I didn't have drawers on that day and I busted my arse and tore-up my MCL. So they got me in the boat and took me over to the nearest marina, a little fish camp where city folks would come to to gas-up and stuff ... and I couldn't walk. So I sat on this bench on the dock while they used the marina phone to call my dad ... when him and momma got there, there were people standing around everywhere looking at me sorta ... up on the boat ramp. Some of them I heard were asking if I was going to be okay in time for football season ... but one lady said something to my mother which caused her to look mortified and put her hand over her mouth in terror. My momma was a little thing, at 6'3" I was the tallest of her boys standing almost a full foot and a half over her ... when I was standing, which I wasn't.

Next thing I know dad walks down that dock and starts giving me the business about how many times he told me I was gonna tear something up waterskiing the way I did doing stupid shite, barefoot skiing etc ... and then Momma comes at me like a damn crazy woman and slaps the shite outta me on the back of my head. Hell, she hit me so hard it almost made me swallow my tongue ... plus dammit, I was already in pain and it caught me off guard. So, when she slaps me she barks, "COVER YOURSELF UP BOY!"

Heck, I had not even noticed and, no one had said anything to me about it ... but I had a nut hanging out of each side of those britches and Mr. Happy was peeking out of the left side clear as day.

We drove all the way back to the house and she made me put on some drawers and a clean pair of britches and a clean white T-shirt before they took me to the town doctor.

I had surgery three days later.

1. My older sister was in high school. Me being the intelligent 4th grader I was thought it was wise to go streaking at one of her parties. I went to my room and got bare arse naked and then broke out and proceeded to run wild around the party. My dad finally rounded me up. I'm convinced to this day he beat me so hard I forgot the whole punishment.

2. In little league baseball I missed a routine grounder and instead of being a man and accepting the mistake I spent 5 minutes rolling around on the ground acting like I got hurt. I got held out of 2 games by my parents for that.

3. I one time got so mad during a middle school basketball game that I literally took off my jersey at mid court and walked out of the gym. My parents made me apologize to the team and the refs and I was held out a game.


eta: I had horrible sportsmanship as a child

quote:

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1. I've always had a loud voice. We were in church and I failed to whisper when I asked the question "Mom, why does that lady have blue hair?" (It was a really old lady). She tried to quiet me, but I kept asking over and over, getting louder each time until she finally had to take me out of church. I got a spanking for that.

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Mine was kind of the same. I kept asking, Mom why are we here. This is clearly all bullshite.