I Hate Alabama: 1999 - A True SEC Rant

There is a HUGE rant that Volnation posts one time a year on TSIO week and I saw it a couple of years ago but never bothered to bring it back up. DKIS, but it's still a pretty good read Don't know if it has ever been posted here, but I'm sure a few of you Vol posters have seen it. Especially if you've migrated over from VN.

tl;dr - I hate Alabama




You've been warned.

quote:

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I HATE BAMA because most of their fans are a bunch of dumb idiot, cousin dating, illiterate, rednecks who couldn’t find Tuscalosa on a map of the State of Alabama if the Southeastern Conference Championship depended on it. Shucks, half of ‘em probably can’t find the State of Alabama on a map of the United States. They are so dumb that they proudly wear flip-flops and overalls out on the town to Walmart on a Saturday night because they can’t tie their own shoes or zip up their pants. However, they proudly fly those BAMA flags from the window of their new 1999 Red Chevrolet or Dodge pick-up trucks with their BAMA bumper stickers on the rear bumper. The truck probably cost 3 times their annual income, but is worth 5 times more than the 1970's model house trailer that they proudly park it in front of next to a brand new satellite dish so they can watch their “beloved” CRIMSON TIDE play and fail to cover the spread against the likes of Bowling Green, Southern Miss, Tulane, etc., etc. on Pay-Per-View. Every once in a while, BAMA plays a really, REALLY, BIG GAME against seasoned, SEC opponents like Kentucky or Vanderbilt. Isn’t it strange that one of BAMA’s permanent SEC Eastern Division Opponents is Vanderbilt? What is really sad is the idiot BAMA FANS who actually will engage you in a conversation about how the “Green Wave” or “Vanderbilt” could actually give BAMA a tough game. Then, after BAMA only beats one of these “bunnies” by one or two touchdowns, they get mad because BAMA didn’t climb 6 places in the A.P. Top 25 Poll. Then, I HATE BAMA because I have to listen to these same BAMA FANS explain why the reason that BAMA didn’t cover the spread against Vandy, Tulane, or Brownie Troop 247 is BECAUSE (Are y’all ready for this?), “Stallings (now Mike DuBose) didn’t want Tennessee and Auburn to really see what BAMA has for a team. They were just sandbagging until later in the season when they bring out the big guns.” UNBELIEVABLE!!! I will admit that I haven’t heard much of this stuff this season since Mr. Dubose took over as head coach, but I think those losses to “seasoned” opponents like La. Tech in 2 of the last 3 years shut most of this up. However, if they had greased those games like they normally do, instead of losing, I’m sure I’d have heard any earful by now.

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^Thats roughly about 1/8 of it.