so my roommate made burritos today for lunch...

All my coke

Went to make a bowl of cereal. Grabbed a metal bowl out of the dish washer and started eating lucky charms. She came in and said sorry for washing her dog's bowl in the dish washer.

That sounds like the poop version of Montezuma's revenge. I got that shite in Costa Rica. One of the worst experiences of my life

Its a brilliant weight loss plan. No pain no gain right?

I had a roommate who would go into my bathroom, take my nail clippers, clip his fricking nails in the living room, and leave it all on the coffee table.

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I had a roommate who would go into my bathroom, take my nail clippers, clip his fricking nails in the living room, and leave it all on the coffee table.

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Hahaha, what did you do?

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Hahaha, what did you do?

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The first time I took the vacuum and with the big long hose attachment I just sucked it all up and tried to forget about it. The second time I was like "dude, buy your own goddamn nail clippers, and if you're going to do that out here then PLEASE clean it up."

He bought his own clippers after that.

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He bought his own clippers after that.

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Did he still leave his mess in the living room though? It sounds like his borrowing the clippers was only half the problem.

I just thought of another AWESOME shitty roommate story, but this time it was sort of a collective effort that was partly my fault.

So I lived in a group house in Georgetown for a while. It was a 4 br, 3 ba house shared by four people. We weren't the craziest kids on the block or anything, but we had a lot of fun. One roommate (we'll call him "Randy") was a bit of a meathead who drank a shitload. Another roommate (we'll call him "Jeff") was a total stoner who had a big goofy black lab we all loved. I was the most subdued person in the group, but I always had friends over to watch football on Randy's huge flat screen, grill, drink beer on the porch, and so forth.

So this new roommate moves in (let's call him "Kyle") and, he just wasn't exactly ready for what we had in store. The first weekend he moves in, it was Easter weekend. Jeff, who used to be a peace corps volunteer in Bolivia, invited like 900 former Peace Corps friends of his over to the house. One thing that Latinos love is getting wasted for Jesus, so it was just a goddamn wreck - chicken bones, beer cans, broken shite, garbage. It was awesome.

So I get back, and Jeff's blazing on the couch watching Planet Earth. So I decide to join, and Jeff and I are high as kites watching a couple of frogs fricking on TV. In walks Kyle, fresh from church and an afternoon spent with his family, and we're there drunk and high, watching frogs frick while we're surrounded with garbage, and we're like "oh hey.... uh.... what's up."

Dude was mortified.

Then, a day or so after that, Jeff's big dumb dog went into Kyle's bedroom while he was at work and ripped all of his pillows apart. Just shred that shite everywhere. It was a damn mess, and he was pretty upset by it.

Then, the weekend after that, Randy has some of his old fraternity brothers over and, apparently, they were just a mess. I was out of town, and got a drunken call from Randy asking me if his boy Todd(?) could "bang in my bedroom." I was okay, so long as he washed the bedding. (He struck out anyway, so crisis averted). Anyway, one of these bros manages to pass out in Kyle's closet, wrapped up in a bunch of his jackets and coats as a blanket. Kyle found him like that, and absolutely flipped out.

So he ended up moving out after having lived there for a few weeks.

Oh, and Randy dipped a lot, and would spit is his dip out in the shower (thankfully my bedroom had its own bathroom, so I didn't deal with that shite), which Kyle hated for a pretty good reason.



So the long and short of it is that super straight-laced kyle was scared off by a bunch of drinking, drugs, drunks in his closet, dogs, and dip.