You won't believe this, I know who Mizzou's new basketball coach is (Seriously)

Here's the story:

Most of my family graduated from Mizzou including two of my grandparents. Not only do we have close ties to Mizzou, but we have family friends with close ties to Mizzou.

One friend received his/her law degree from Mizzou and currently represents Mizzou in a capacity that involves Athletic Department affairs.

We were at dinner with his/her family last evening. After a couple glasses of wine, I asked him/her who the new coach was:

"So, do you have any idea what is taking Alden so long to hire a new coach? What up with all the secrecy this time around?"

"Well, I can assure you that things are different in relation to this hire," the lawyer said with a slight smile.

"How so? Do you know who the coach is? Your Mona Lisa smile indicates you know something."

"Mona Lisa smile, Mark? Really? You say the stupidest shite sometimes!"

"I never claimed to be a bologna sammich without cheese."

"I don't even understand what you just said."

"Cheese! You know...ahhhh hell, never mind," I said laughing.

"Mark's a weirdo. I never understand anything he says. That's why I married him! He's a weirdo, but at least he's interesting. There's never a dull moment," my wife said with a subtle wink.

"Thanks, hun! She speaks the truth, ya know. Now what were we talking about?"

"Marshall."

"What? What did you just say?"

The table got quiet. My eyes got big and my mouth dropped open. I said, "Did you just say what I think you said?"

My friend, looking down at his/her plate of linguine and clam sauce, slowly looked up and surveyed the room. I noticed that there was no excitement on his/her face. Just controlled panic. Deer in headlights.

The jubilant conversation dropped down to a whisper.

"I said nothing. I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"You said something and I'm pretty sure I know what you said. However, I get it. I'm not going to push too hard in a public place. Can you at least do me a favor?"

"I'm not sure."

"Can you just nod your head yes or no so that I can sleep better tonight? Yes for I heard you right, or no for that isn't the guy. I mean, you can't leave me hanging after a statement of that magnitude."

My friend didn't provide me with an answer. Instead, he/she poured oil onto a small bread plate. He/she then poured a little puddle of dark brown balsamic vinegar into the middle of the oil and shook some Parmesan cheese on top.

He/she lifted a spoon into the air, looked me straight in the eyes, and smirked. The lawyer took the spoon and inscribed the following into the oil: Y.....E.....S.

I simply shook my head in approval and did everything I could to hold back my excitement as I popped open a new mussel shell. I popped the mussel into my mouth and looked back at my friend's oil plate.

The message was gone, soaking deeply into a piece of bread.