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For those who have lost a parent
Posted on 12/1/13 at 1:36 pm
Posted on 12/1/13 at 1:36 pm
How did you cope with it? I know people don't like when other posters post personal stuff, but I lost my dad last night, and I'm a mess. Felt better about posting this here rather than the other OT
Posted on 12/1/13 at 1:37 pm to GCTiger11
Sorry brother :(
I don't have advice specific for losing a parent but be there for your family and let them be there for you. If you aren't close with them, reach out. This is what family's for
There's not a playbook for the days and weeks immediately following it- no way for you to check and see if you're handling it properly, so don't worry about that. Think of the good times
I don't have advice specific for losing a parent but be there for your family and let them be there for you. If you aren't close with them, reach out. This is what family's for
There's not a playbook for the days and weeks immediately following it- no way for you to check and see if you're handling it properly, so don't worry about that. Think of the good times
This post was edited on 12/1/13 at 1:41 pm
Posted on 12/1/13 at 1:41 pm to GCTiger11
So sorry to hear about your loss. I don't know what its like but I hope the best for you and family going forward. ![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/Iconcheers.gif)
![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/Iconcheers.gif)
Posted on 12/1/13 at 2:05 pm to GCTiger11
T&P man. Mine are still here. I don't know how I would handle losing one.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 2:14 pm to GCTiger11
quote:
I lost my dad last night, and I'm a mess.
I can't even imagine. My parents are both at that point where their decline will only get faster and with each passing year I see the affects of aging setting in. It is really tough watching them grow old and I know that it won't be that much longer before I have to go through what you are going through right now.
I have not had to experience such a loss yet, so I have no specific advice on the situation. Just know that they are free of the toils of this world. I'm sure they had a full life and had lots of happy memories. We are all blessed with our time on this earth, but there are many struggles and hardships that must be endured and passing relieves us all of this burden. You are who you are today because of them. It will be difficult for a while, but you will carry on. You will continue to create memories of your own as they did before you and everything will be fine in the end.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 2:29 pm to GCTiger11
I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard and as cliché as it is, it's just going to take time. Talking helps as well. While it may not seem it now, over time, you will begin to put the worse things out of your mind, and will begin remembering him for all the things that brought you close together for and that you think fondly of about him. Everyone mourns differently, so don't think that you have to act a certain way, or have to do certain things. Don't be afraid to lean on family members, or friends. And if it seems some are avoiding you, it's because they don't know what to say. Seek them out if you need to talk or just need to be around some folks. My condolences. I hope you find comfort in your faith, and with family and friends.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 2:48 pm to GCTiger11
Sorry to hear that GC. Thoughts with you and yours for sure.
I've never lost a parent, but I have lost someone close to me (sibling). As others have said, there's no blueprint for grieving and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's different from person to person and situation to situation. You do what feels right for you. If that's having to shut shite down for awhile to "deal" with it then so be it. If it's getting out of the house and going out then so be it. Don't let anyone else dictate the way you grieve (because unfortunately you'll have people who will try to do just that).
Also don't be afraid to see a grief counselor/therapist if you feel like you need to talk to someone about it. I don't know if you're still in school but most all campuses have services that are free to you as a student. Sometimes it helps to talk to people who aren't intimately connected to the situation just to get things off your chest.
The most important thing is to make sure you take care of yourself through all of this. I can't speak for your situation, but sometimes it's real easy to get caught up in "being there" for everyone else and not dealing with your own feelings. Nothing wrong with being there for other people but it's a fine line in doing so and neglecting your own process.
I don't want to tell you it gets easier, but it does get more manageable with time.
I've never lost a parent, but I have lost someone close to me (sibling). As others have said, there's no blueprint for grieving and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's different from person to person and situation to situation. You do what feels right for you. If that's having to shut shite down for awhile to "deal" with it then so be it. If it's getting out of the house and going out then so be it. Don't let anyone else dictate the way you grieve (because unfortunately you'll have people who will try to do just that).
Also don't be afraid to see a grief counselor/therapist if you feel like you need to talk to someone about it. I don't know if you're still in school but most all campuses have services that are free to you as a student. Sometimes it helps to talk to people who aren't intimately connected to the situation just to get things off your chest.
The most important thing is to make sure you take care of yourself through all of this. I can't speak for your situation, but sometimes it's real easy to get caught up in "being there" for everyone else and not dealing with your own feelings. Nothing wrong with being there for other people but it's a fine line in doing so and neglecting your own process.
I don't want to tell you it gets easier, but it does get more manageable with time.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 2:55 pm to GCTiger11
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. As others have said, take care of yourself first, but don't isolate and get into your head. From experience, my head is one of the most dangerous places I can be if I sit and ruminate for too long. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now, but know that you aren't alone. Lean on your family and friends when you need to -- that's what they are for.
God bless you and yours, and again, you have my deepest sympathies.
God bless you and yours, and again, you have my deepest sympathies.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 2:58 pm to GoBigOrange86
I can see where you're coming from about your head. I'm with a lot of family but I keep wondering off by myself and feeling blank.
But thank all of you guys for the well wishes. I'm reading everybody's advice.
But thank all of you guys for the well wishes. I'm reading everybody's advice.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 3:08 pm to GCTiger11
First thing, sorry to hear that my friend. It's always tough losing anyone, especially someone that close to you.
I lost my dad several years ago in a tragic way..it never gets easier I can tell you that, but time really does heal all wounds.
My best advice is for you to try to retain as many memories as possible and remember the good times you had with them. Also, don't throw away anything, afterward people (your family) will try to move on by getting rid of stuff. Don't do it, you'll regret it later.
How to cope? Remember the good times my friend, hold no regrets or grudges. Let their memory fill the hole you are filling in your soul.
It's so important that I tell you as a person who's lost their father at 20, hate and negativity are a serious thing, do not let it in. It's a tough road for a few years but it does get better.
All the best to you are your family.
Eta: to add to what Belle said..She gives very good advice, don't be afraid to talk it out with someone even a specialist. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working through this with a professional. That advice was given to me in my situation and I didn't take it, looking back I realize how much it would have helped.
I lost my dad several years ago in a tragic way..it never gets easier I can tell you that, but time really does heal all wounds.
My best advice is for you to try to retain as many memories as possible and remember the good times you had with them. Also, don't throw away anything, afterward people (your family) will try to move on by getting rid of stuff. Don't do it, you'll regret it later.
How to cope? Remember the good times my friend, hold no regrets or grudges. Let their memory fill the hole you are filling in your soul.
It's so important that I tell you as a person who's lost their father at 20, hate and negativity are a serious thing, do not let it in. It's a tough road for a few years but it does get better.
All the best to you are your family.
![](https://images.tigerdroppings.com/Images/Icons/Iconcheers.gif)
Eta: to add to what Belle said..She gives very good advice, don't be afraid to talk it out with someone even a specialist. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working through this with a professional. That advice was given to me in my situation and I didn't take it, looking back I realize how much it would have helped.
This post was edited on 12/1/13 at 3:17 pm
Posted on 12/1/13 at 4:04 pm to GCTiger11
Both of mine are gone. Know this: It absolutely makes you stronger. The world has a different feel to it.
Don't try to suppress the grief. Let it take its course. There's no shame in grieving.
Don't try to suppress the grief. Let it take its course. There's no shame in grieving.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 4:49 pm to GCTiger11
Dude, I feel for you. So sorry for your loss. Can't even imagine.
I'd be a mess too. Praying for you.
I'd be a mess too. Praying for you.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 5:29 pm to GCTiger11
Thoughts and prays man. Can't imagine the situation you're in. Family is the key to getting over a loss. Lean on them and be there for them to lean on you.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 6:59 pm to GCTiger11
GC,
I lost my dad five years ago. It was sudden and without warning. Seemingly healthy one minute and gone the next.
I received a phone call at work from my mother. She asked me to go outside or someplace private. I knew something bad had occurred and the first thought that went thru my mind was that one of my grandparents had probably passed away.
When I got in my car, she broke the news to me. I can't properly describe my reaction other than pure heartbreak and sadness like nothing I've ever experienced. I couldn't even form words for about 15 minutes. I was completely inconsolable.
When the phone call ended, I sat in the car for perhaps another 10 minutes just trying to process the news. Within that time I made a commitment to accept the reality of the situation and do my best to move on as quickly as possible.
I knew in my heart that my father would be equally or far more heartbroken to see me devastated by his death.
It took about 24 hours and a conversation with my grandpa (my father's dad) to realize that he was gone and, in my grandfather's words, "It is what it is. We can choose to be sad and torture ourselves, or we can move on. Your father would want us to move on."
I lost my dad five years ago. It was sudden and without warning. Seemingly healthy one minute and gone the next.
I received a phone call at work from my mother. She asked me to go outside or someplace private. I knew something bad had occurred and the first thought that went thru my mind was that one of my grandparents had probably passed away.
When I got in my car, she broke the news to me. I can't properly describe my reaction other than pure heartbreak and sadness like nothing I've ever experienced. I couldn't even form words for about 15 minutes. I was completely inconsolable.
When the phone call ended, I sat in the car for perhaps another 10 minutes just trying to process the news. Within that time I made a commitment to accept the reality of the situation and do my best to move on as quickly as possible.
I knew in my heart that my father would be equally or far more heartbroken to see me devastated by his death.
It took about 24 hours and a conversation with my grandpa (my father's dad) to realize that he was gone and, in my grandfather's words, "It is what it is. We can choose to be sad and torture ourselves, or we can move on. Your father would want us to move on."
Posted on 12/1/13 at 7:15 pm to GCTiger11
Sorry about this man I hate it for you. I lost my mom at 22 - 8 years and 22 days ago.
I am a talkative person so it helped me to talk about it often.
I won't lie to you, the worst days were not within 1 or even 2 weeks for me. Those first few weeks will be filled with people that are there for you. As the months go on those people will get back into their schedule and forget about it - it's natural and they shouldn't be expected to do more. Find the friends that will be more than willing to talk about this months from now and stay close to them. Holidays/christmas/birthdays/vacations/going home will, at times, seem unbearable. Just know that it does get better with time. Personally, it helped me to get in and focus on something - initially it was girls/hooking up (didn't help) and ended with school/grades (did help). I also prayed a lot (also helped) but I dunno if you're religious. As the other guy said, don't suppress any grief and just let out - everyone will understand. One more thing, don't get frustrated with your friends if they can't relate. I always told myself as a younger kid that I wouldnt experience a death of a parent until I was like 50 something or older. For most people, that's the case. For us - that's not what was in the cards and we just gotta work though it. I think I developed more appreciation for my family than anyone else I knew.
I am a talkative person so it helped me to talk about it often.
I won't lie to you, the worst days were not within 1 or even 2 weeks for me. Those first few weeks will be filled with people that are there for you. As the months go on those people will get back into their schedule and forget about it - it's natural and they shouldn't be expected to do more. Find the friends that will be more than willing to talk about this months from now and stay close to them. Holidays/christmas/birthdays/vacations/going home will, at times, seem unbearable. Just know that it does get better with time. Personally, it helped me to get in and focus on something - initially it was girls/hooking up (didn't help) and ended with school/grades (did help). I also prayed a lot (also helped) but I dunno if you're religious. As the other guy said, don't suppress any grief and just let out - everyone will understand. One more thing, don't get frustrated with your friends if they can't relate. I always told myself as a younger kid that I wouldnt experience a death of a parent until I was like 50 something or older. For most people, that's the case. For us - that's not what was in the cards and we just gotta work though it. I think I developed more appreciation for my family than anyone else I knew.
This post was edited on 12/1/13 at 7:17 pm
Posted on 12/1/13 at 7:19 pm to GCTiger11
hang in there GCT, i haven't lost a parent but my thoughts are with you.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 7:21 pm to AubieALUMdvm
quote:
won't lie to you, the worst days were not within 1 or even 2 weeks for me. Those first few weeks will be filled with people that are there for you. As the months go on those people will get back into their schedule and forget about it - it's natural and they shouldn't be expected to do more
This is very true. For myself, the hardest part came months afterwards, when I ran across the birthday card I received a couple months before mom's passing. It hit home hard at that moment, that it's the last one I would ever get from her again. I knew it, but just holding it in my hand just did something that made it incredibly real.
Posted on 12/1/13 at 7:45 pm to GCTiger11
I didn't give a shite when my dad passed. He was a frick.
When my grandmother passed, it really upset me because I considered her my 2nd parent.
I still think about her 6 years later.
Thoughts and Prayers. Not much you can do but think of the good moments honestly.
RIP
When my grandmother passed, it really upset me because I considered her my 2nd parent.
I still think about her 6 years later.
Thoughts and Prayers. Not much you can do but think of the good moments honestly.
RIP
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