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SEC Teams Compared to Famous Bands, Musicians
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:05 am
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:05 am
OFFSEASON THREAD I KNOW ... BUT STILL FUNNY. 
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You don’t have to like it, but you’d have to be a head-in-the-sand ostrich to deny that the SEC is the clear cut heavyweight division in college football. Seven straight national titles will do that. We all know why: Population booms in the south, an influx of influential coaches, a league where the best athletes aren’t afraid to play defense, fast and loose recruiting rule books, and of course, because of the top-to-bottom drama. Every school has an interesting story that intersects with its larger scale rivals and this chains the conference together in one bible belt cluster of humanity. When Wisconsin plays in the Rose Bowl every damn year, Michigan fans aren’t in bars chanting “Big 10! Big 10! Big 10!”
They’re too busy getting stomped by a second tier SEC school in the Capital One Bowl.
To explain the Bono-esque, we-are-all-one feelings that the SEC has about its collective solidarity, let’s draw parallels. It’s been a popular explanatory topic this preseason but we’ve missed the best one: SEC schools as bands. Some are pop legends, some are annoying newcomers, some are washed out icons that peaked in the ’90s, and some love to twerk.
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Alabama – The Beatles
Both are perennially mentioned as one of the greatest of all time. Both are deeply rooted in history and have, for the most part, maintained their relevance and popularity throughout the years. There are iconic images with both like Abbey Road and the houndstooth hat.
However, there are also some blemishes that fan bases from each wish could be forgotten. For every mention of 15 national titles and “Let it Be” there is also the embarrassment of the Shula and Dubose years as well as “Love Me Do.”
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Arkansas – Def Leppard
This may be the best comparison on the board. For a short period of time each seemed like they were on the doorstep of stardom and success. Then a terrible vehicular accident maimed one of their members in each respective group.
Arkansas had the motorcycle crash of Bobby Petrino and a car crash infamously left drummer Rick Allen without an arm.
Now, instead of being thought of as a member of any top five discussion they are cheered for with the same enthusiasm and sympathy as someone in the Special Olympics.
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Auburn – Ashlee Simpson
I was going to go with Milli Vanilli here, but it just seemed too spiteful. I chose Ashlee Simpson, and it fits perfectly for a number of reasons. First, neither can be mentioned without the mention of their “big brother/ sister” in the same sentence.
Both have only had a short period of time in the limelight of relevance in the past decade and said relevance Also, both have had their fair share of cheating allegations, and by allegations I mean blatantly obvious incidents of deception. Auburn with Cam Newton, and Ashlee Simpson with her wildly uncomfortable lip syncing mishap on Saturday Night Live and the Orange Bowl.
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Florida – Justin Timberlake
Both were equally dislikable in the ‘90s unless you were a member of their fan base because if there’s anything people hate more than Poppy boy bands is success, and no other team in the SEC had as much success as Florida in the ‘90s.
The two also spent a few years out of the limelight in the early 2000s as JT embarked on his solo career and Florida tried to make Ron Zook a thing.
However, both are back at the forefront of relevance now, and are back at the top of their games.
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Georgia – Journey
Both are extremely relevant and popular in each of their respective categories. Both have strung together a respectable career with above average successes. However, when you really think about it neither has accomplished anything since 1980.
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Kentucky – David Hasselhoff
Much like the Hoff, nobody in the SEC takes Kentucky seriously when it comes to football.
They’re an afterthought for the most part with a few memorable moments sprinkled in a recipe of perennial mediocrity. In recent years, their most notable moments would probably be Kentucky’s 300-plus pound QB Jared Lorenzon, and the Hoff having a bad night where he mirrored Lornezon’s diet of a closet floor full of cheeseburgers.
However, in another realm they are thought of with much respect and distinction. For Kentucky it’s basketball, and for the Hoff it’s Germany.
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LSU – Black Sabbath
Both have a fairly illustrious career that is riddled with highlights and achievements. Both also are synonymous with terrifying images and memories that are the cornerstone for their respective legacies. LSU has the intimidating and imposing football cathedral that is known as Death Valley, and at night there is no other stadium in the country that is as feared.
Sabbath has the notoriety of front man Ozzy Osbourne biting the head of a bat as well as peeing on the Alamo. I guess those aren’t as revered.
But each time Les Miles or Ozzy speak you are left with a confused look on your face thinking, “What the frick is he talking about.”
This post was edited on 10/23/13 at 9:14 am
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Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:05 am to McRebel42
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Mississippi State – MGMT
A few years ago each were emerging stars. MGMT burst on the scene with their album Oracular Spectacular and was dubbed as the top artist to watch in 2008 by Rolling Stone magazine.
Around the same time, Mississippi State hired Dan Mullen who was highly sought out after his success with Tim Tebow as the offensive coordinator at Florida.
Now it’s 2013, and many are left wondering what the hell happened to each? Also, much like the whereabouts of MGMT there’s no way I could point out where the frick Starkville is on a map.
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Missouri – 98 Degrees
Both exploded on the scene out of nowhere finding their niche in comfortable surroundings. For Mizzou it was in the high-octane offense laden Big 12 conference, and for 98 Degrees it was in the abomination of the late ‘90s known as the boy band craze.
Both enjoyed mild success, but inevitably neither was able to live up to their potential, as each lived in the shadow of more accomplished rivals. Mizzou has Texas A&M, and 98 Degrees had NSync and The Backstreet Boys. Silver lining, at least Nick Lachey got to talk to Jessica Simpson during her peak hours.
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Ole Miss – Phillip Phillips
I just don’t get it. There is a lot of excitement and buzz around both. However, to me they look like a middle of the road SEC West team and a (far) less talented Dave Matthews Band, respectively. Both have a very limited range in terms to vocal pitch and win total.
The one distinct difference is that Phillip Phillips has actually won something with American Idol, whereas the only significant “victory” from Ole Miss in the last century has been being voted best tailgate.
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South Carolina – Kenny Chesney
Much like the many patrons that attend a Chesney in droves, Steve Spurrier also dislikes having to wear a shirt when he doesn’t have to. While Carolina hasn’t had the illustrious career that Chesney has there is still something to be said for the commitment and dedication of each of their fan bases.
I’ve also always considered Chesney to be a poor man’s Jimmy Buffet (despite me abhorring Buffet), and in the same way it will be difficult for Kenny to match his longevity of relevance, South Carolina will most likely never reach the heights that Spurrier reached while overseeing the Fun N’ Gun at Florida in the ‘90s.
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Tennessee – Creed
Mainly because I hate both. However, there are some striking similarities. One, they both peaked in the late ‘90s.
Two, they’re both a punchline to many jokes in 2013.
Three, nobody who’s a fan of music or SEC football feels badly for either nor is ready to forgive either for the abominations that were “With arms wide open” and Lane Kiffin’s tenure/ circus sideshow.
A collective middle finger is given to both.
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Texas A&M – Justin Bieber
Oh man, it was cute and endearing when we first were introduced to these two. Who’s this charismatic teen that looks like a lesbian, but is driving preteens wild with his dancing and singing? And, who is this wildly talented white kid who is a master of improvisation on the football field and evading responsibility off of it?
Fans and media across the country couldn’t get enough of either, but now that new star smell has worn off most are sick of the overexposure we’ve been inundated with from each. They’ve both shed their innocent images and embraced a bad boy persona of rebellion and indifference to authority.
Manziel has damn near turned Sportscenter into an episode of TMZ. Also, Bieber recently peed in a janitor’s bucket after a concert and Johnny Drama will probably do that next.
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Vanderbilt – Miley Cyrus
Both were long-considered a cute, non-threatening member to the college football and music society. They were fun to cheer for and not take seriously. Then over the last few years both have taken a complete 180 turn.
Ignited by James Franklin and raging hormones, respectively of course, each has morphed into an uncomfortable transformation that demands to be taken seriously.
Also, it would be impossible not to make this comparison without mentioning the unsettling and uncomfortable recent events with the rape allegations at Vandy and Miley dancing too close to that baseball stadium souvenir at the VMAs.
This post was edited on 10/23/13 at 9:06 am
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:06 am to McRebel42
Is fansided the new bleacher report?
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:07 am to McRebel42
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Texas A&M – Justin Bieber
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:09 am to DMagic
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Is fansided the new bleacher report?
I don't know
... but I did find this list funny and pretty good. 
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:09 am to McRebel42
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For every mention of 15 national titles and “Let it Be” there is also the embarrassment of the Shula and Dubose years as well as “Love Me Do.”
Love Me Do is awesome.
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:10 am to McRebel42
This is so very stupid.
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:10 am to McRebel42
Not hating on your thread just asking because they have similar layouts
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:10 am to McRebel42
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as each lived in the shadow of more accomplished rivals. Mizzou has Texas A&M, and 98 Degrees had NSync and The Backstreet Boys.
Mizzou is 5-2 in the last 7 games vs. TAMU, including 3 wins at Kyle Field. Haven't lost at home to the Ags since 1999.
This post was edited on 10/23/13 at 9:11 am
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:11 am to McRebel42
Offseason thread.
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:12 am to DMagic
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Not hating on your thread just asking because they have similar layouts
No worries about that at all just saying I didn't know.
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:13 am to McRebel42
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Also, Bieber recently peed in a janitor’s bucket after a concert and Johnny Drama will probably do that next.
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:14 am to McRebel42
The Knight Rider dude is a multiple platinum performer in Europe.
Chicks were throwing their panties on stage when he performed.
Chicks were throwing their panties on stage when he performed.
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:14 am to McRebel42
This seems really old
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:15 am to McRebel42
1) frick offseason threads
2) this is just way retarded
3) they completely ignore that Auburn is historically a top program
2) this is just way retarded
3) they completely ignore that Auburn is historically a top program
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:15 am to DMagic
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Is fansided the new bleacher report?
appears so, except they are using failed comedians to right the material
This post was edited on 10/23/13 at 9:16 am
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:18 am to beaver
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1) frick offseason threads
2) this is just way retarded
3) they completely ignore that Auburn is historically a top program
You seem butthurt ... I wonder why ...
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First, neither can be mentioned without the mention of their “big brother/ sister” in the same sentence.
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Second, both have had their fair share of cheating allegations, and by allegations I mean blatantly obvious incidents of deception. Auburn with Cam Newton, and Ashlee Simpson with her wildly uncomfortable lip syncing mishap on Saturday Night Live and the Orange Bowl.
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:20 am to McRebel42
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LSU – Black Sabbath
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:23 am to McRebel42
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You seem butthurt ... I wonder why ...
No, it's just a terrible comparison.
Posted on 10/23/13 at 9:28 am to AUsteriskPride
Based on the two examples it seems like a very good one to me. 
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