Sorry if Germans, y'all but this one was too good to pass up...guaranteed to rustle many jimmies on this fine Monday morning.

SEC Predictions

EAST

7. Kentucky (3-9, 0-8): Without Alabama State inexplicably landing on the schedule, this team wouldn’t win a game after September. Thankfully, basketball starts in October.

6. Missouri (5-7, 1-7): With Vandy getting better, we needed another Vandy.

5. Tennessee (5-7, 2-6): UT should be an improving program, but you typically can’t start from scratch, as new coach Butch Jones and Co. are doing, and make a big jump that first year. The Vols will be competitive, but you don’t get points for close.

4. Georgia (8-4, 5-3): UGA is replacing nine starters from last year’s defense, including a couple of NFL draft picks and the entire secondary. It’s also starting the year with three of its toughest games in the month of September. That’s a recipe for a season that’s below expectations. The Bulldogs lose to Clemson, South Carolina, LSU and Vandy.

3. Vandy (9-3, 5-3): That’s right. Vanderbilt. Look at the schedule. The ’Dores have three games that they likely won’t win — South Carolina, Florida and Texas A&M. But the rest of the schedule is very manageable, with the toughest remaining road game being a trip to Tennessee. Admittedly, the Georgia pick would be a big upset. But you know one’s coming somewhere.

2. Florida (10-2, 7-1): Another near miss for the Gators. This should be a very good UF team — just not quite good enough. The losses are to South Carolina and FSU. But expect Florida to be in the top 10 all year.

1. South Carolina (12-0, 8-0): Name another team in the conference with as few question marks. The Gamecocks have every answer. They’ll have one of the best defenses in the country, a solid offense and sound head coach. They’ll also have an underrated QB in Connor Shaw. If South Carolina can’t win the league and challenge for a national title this year, it might never.

WEST

7. Auburn (5-7, 1-7): When you’re writing to call me a “Bammer,” also include this in your email: Tell me who I’m supposed to have AU beating. I have them splitting the UT-Arkansas road trips with a win over the Vols, which I think is fair. Who else? Ole Miss? The Rebels killed AU last year and are a year ahead in essentially the same process. Miss. State? It has a QB, a good OL and a defense that didn’t get smoked every game last season. I think the Tigers will be far more competitive. But without a tested QB on a team that won three games last year, this is the best I can do for you.

6. Miss. State (5-7, 2-6): Dan Mullen is a below average coach at a below average SEC program. MSU loses to A&M, Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana State, Ole Miss, Oklahoma St. and South Carolina.

5. Arkansas (7-5, 3-5): I could be talked into swapping Arkansas and Mississippi State. The rankings turned on their head-to-head matchup. It’s in a very bad spot for the Bulldogs, who play USC, A&M and Alabama the three previous weekends. The Razorbacks lose to A&M, UA, Louisiana State, UF and South Carolina.

4. Ole Miss (8-4, 4-4): I have Ole Miss losing to Vandy to start the year, and even as I’m working on this, I’m regretting that pick. I expect the Rebels to be a quality team again, with losses to Vandy, UA, Texas A&M, and LSU.

3. LSU (10-2, 6-2): Les Miles spent all of Media Days complaining about an unfair schedule, and for good reason. I think he splits his Eastern Conference opponents, losing to South Carolina, and missing a three-way tie at the top of the West.

2. Alabama (11-1, 7-1): Here’s an odd thing to say as I rank UA the No. 2 team in the West: I think the Tide could have the best team in the conference. The problem is karma. At some point, it catches up to you, and let’s be honest, Nick Saban and this program have been living a charmed life. All the breaks this team has received in order to win three of the last four titles have to, by cosmic rule, be offset eventually. Losing one game on the road to a very good team (A&M) at the start of the year and then never being able to get back into the championship picture would be karmic justice.

1. Texas A&M (11-1, 7-1): I can buy that Alabama is a better team than A&M. But I think the Aggies are still rather sporty, and they’ve got a rather good QB and a very favorable schedule. They slip once (LSU), but not in the one that really counts. That atmosphere in College Station on Sept. 14 will likely be unmatched this year in college football. I think it ultimately decides the West.

SEC Championship Game
That leaves South Carolina and Texas A&M in Atlanta for the conference title, and I can’t pick against the Gamecocks.

Let the rustling begin, boys.