If the SEC went on Survivor

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Well if A&M and all of the SEC members were on an island competing for a million dollars, this is how I see things playing out. The 14 teams are naturally split into the West and East. Week 1 challenge comes and the dysfunctional East bottom-feeders suck even more than Auburn sending the East to tribal council. In a near-unanimous vote, Kentucky is voted off the island. South Carolina was quoted, saying, "Better luck in Survivor: March Madness Edition."

With the lowest of the low eliminated, the East regroups and wins the week 2 challenge. In tribal council, a shocker occurs. LSU is sent home. Many complain about the the stench of corn dogs. LSU departs with the best post-episode interview in Survivor history. Week 3 ends in another disappointing defeat for the West. There is no tribal council though because it turns out Auburn was suffering from being-the-most-disappointing-2-years-removed-from-survivor-champion-team syndrome and is sent home for medical reasons. Week 4 brings a building a boat challenge. Surprisingly the West wins even though Arkansas has a history of nailing the wrong thing. Tennessee willingly leaves the island (need I say why). Week 5's challenge is puzzle solving, which the East easily wins. Vanderbilt and their book-readin' and thought-thinkin' finally comes in handy. Ol' Miss is voted off in a close vote. During week, 6 Missouri dies, but no one really cares because most people had forgotten about them anyways.

Week 7 brings the combining of the tribes and the beginning of individual challenges. Florida wins immunity. The whole West votes for South Carolina, while the East votes for Arkansas. Arkansas is sent home on the tiebreaker of having received more votes in past weeks. Worried that the West alliance is breaking down, Alabama poisons Georgia and Florida before Week 8. Georgia and Florida are taken off the island immediately where they recover but are unable to return in time to complete the show. Alabama is arrested on the spot and pleads insanity but is found guilty.

Week 9 is the end for Mississippi St because seriously, it's not like they could beat any one else when it mattered leaving only A&M, South Carolina, and Vanderbilt left. South Carolina suffers a tragic injury before the last challenge. After many man-tears were shed, South Carolina struggles and is sent home.

Week 10 is the final vote. Yes, even Alabama gets a vote from death row. In the biggest landslide Survivor has ever seen, Vanderbilt wins Survivor because honestly, people were tired of hearing about A&M and how can you dislike Vanderbilt? Who have they ever upset? The Survivor music plays and the image of Vanderbilt celebrating slowly fades out...the single greatest moment in its life.

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