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re: Tiger Tales: True Confessions, Brushes With Fame & Infamous Tiger Escapades!
Posted on 10/24/12 at 7:37 pm to MizzouSEC2012
Posted on 10/24/12 at 7:37 pm to MizzouSEC2012
I love a good shite story....
1
Posted on 10/24/12 at 7:39 pm to MizzouSEC2012
We start talking about things brothers can talk about when their mistaken parents aren't around (sex, girls, ...) So it's been like 30 minutes and he still hasn't returned and I'm beginning to worry he was mistaken for a black bear and eaten by one of his own. So time passes and then I begin to here his big fat feet stomping across the ground trying to cause the New Madrid fault to break, and branches breaking and shite. So as I already told you earlier there was an 8ft drop down to the camp site and he had decided his little head lamp was going to be enough light to see the drop off and since the river sits right there we had tracked sand and water onto it making it extra slippery for someone stupid enough not to carry a flashlight big enough to see the trail. As he's getting closer I know something bad is about to happen but I don't want to stop it 
i know i'm an a-hole. So he reaches the point just before the drop off and is farther to the right of the trail then I remember it being, and I'm sitting there thinking oh shite because now there's a drop off and a 325 pound black bear and a patch of poison ivy waiting below.
continued...
i know i'm an a-hole. So he reaches the point just before the drop off and is farther to the right of the trail then I remember it being, and I'm sitting there thinking oh shite because now there's a drop off and a 325 pound black bear and a patch of poison ivy waiting below. continued...
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 7:40 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 7:48 pm to MizzouSEC2012
shite it's time for the falling point I here a bunch of branches and shite cracking right by where we were sitting and shine the light over to the poison ivy patch and to my astonishment I see a black bear who has tripped and rolled off the hill into the poison ivy patch, and I'm doing everything humanly possible not to laugh at this moment because I don't know if he has indeed killed himself from this yet so I walk over to him and he is complaining about having a scrapped knee and nothing else wrong with him at the moment. HELLO you just rolled off into a patch of poison ivy and have no aloe to rub on that shite. He asks me to help him up and I'm standing there like you way 325 pounds and you're asking your 160 pound kid to help you up. By then of course like everyone else we had broke out into laughter. He manages to willow his way over to his chair and not move very much the rest of the night until bed time except to scratch his poison ivy patches all over his body. So campfire stories continue until 3:00a.m. in the morning even though we know we have a 6 hour float ahead of us the next day and I'm sitting there thinking why the frick hasn't he gone to bed yet there's no way he's going to make it through the whole day tomorrow.
continued...
I see a black bear who has tripped and rolled off the hill into the poison ivy patch, and I'm doing everything humanly possible not to laugh at this moment because I don't know if he has indeed killed himself from this yet so I walk over to him and he is complaining about having a scrapped knee and nothing else wrong with him at the moment. HELLO you just rolled off into a patch of poison ivy and have no aloe to rub on that shite. He asks me to help him up and I'm standing there like you way 325 pounds and you're asking your 160 pound kid to help you up. By then of course like everyone else we had broke out into laughter. He manages to willow his way over to his chair and not move very much the rest of the night until bed time except to scratch his poison ivy patches all over his body. So campfire stories continue until 3:00a.m. in the morning even though we know we have a 6 hour float ahead of us the next day and I'm sitting there thinking why the frick hasn't he gone to bed yet there's no way he's going to make it through the whole day tomorrow. continued...
Posted on 10/24/12 at 7:53 pm to mizzoukills
Who doesn't love a good shite story Killz.
And I'm ready to see where this is heading, can't be good
And I'm ready to see where this is heading, can't be good
Posted on 10/24/12 at 7:58 pm to MizzouSEC2012
So after a night of recovery from this I wake up the next morning to a black bear 
loud enough for everyone in southern Missouri to here and it had rained the previous night from 3-6 and I'm trying to find matches to start a fire because it was one of those chilly rains. I use 3/4 of a bottle of lighter fluid and starter log and have a fire started quickly to my surprising. Slowly but surely all of us trickle out of our tents and begin to eat something (hostesses) except for the black bear. We begin to pack up our camping stuff to take back to the car so we won't have to do it when we're completely exhausted when we get off the river. Once we have picked up all of our shite and trash I begin to here the black bear stirring in his castle and he wanders out of his tent to see we had eaten already packed up our shite and we're waiting on his fat arse to get out of his tent and start packing his shite so we don't have to bust our asses down the river. So all of us help pack up his shite while he eats a box of granola bars. So if none of you have ever been on a float trip you usually get taken up by bus to begin your float and float down to where your car is parked. So we all get everything we need for the day and naturally the black bear has brought enough shite to prevent the canoe from floating minus his 325 pounds. So we all get on the bus drive up to where our float begins and what ensues is something out of a hollywood film like I've never seen ever in my life ever before.
loud enough for everyone in southern Missouri to here and it had rained the previous night from 3-6 and I'm trying to find matches to start a fire because it was one of those chilly rains. I use 3/4 of a bottle of lighter fluid and starter log and have a fire started quickly to my surprising. Slowly but surely all of us trickle out of our tents and begin to eat something (hostesses) except for the black bear. We begin to pack up our camping stuff to take back to the car so we won't have to do it when we're completely exhausted when we get off the river. Once we have picked up all of our shite and trash I begin to here the black bear stirring in his castle and he wanders out of his tent to see we had eaten already packed up our shite and we're waiting on his fat arse to get out of his tent and start packing his shite so we don't have to bust our asses down the river. So all of us help pack up his shite while he eats a box of granola bars. So if none of you have ever been on a float trip you usually get taken up by bus to begin your float and float down to where your car is parked. So we all get everything we need for the day and naturally the black bear has brought enough shite to prevent the canoe from floating minus his 325 pounds. So we all get on the bus drive up to where our float begins and what ensues is something out of a hollywood film like I've never seen ever in my life ever before. Posted on 10/24/12 at 8:07 pm to MizzouSEC2012
So we all get everything off the bus and into our canoes/ kayaks. Now from past experiences I decided I would never canoe with anyone again because two of my half witted brothers managed to sink a canoe by running it aground on a log in the middle of the river. (It was clearly visible too) They needed like half of the people canoeing down the river to get it to float again. So anyways I'm kayaking and the rest of the canoe tandems are good except for one. My mistaken dad has been teamed with the youngest brother who is like 6'10 tall as a mother fricker but was cut from high school basketball because he has no coordinations whatsoever, and he is in the front of the canoe while the 325 black bear is in the back with all of the shite he brought. I'm sitting here thinking how is this canoe going to float it's not humanly possible but whoever crafted this did a great job because it floated except for the fact that the canoe at the front was like a foot off the water and the back of the canoe was already taking on water because it was so low to the water. So combining this with the fact that they put us in at a point on the river where a dam is and water current is fast through here I knew disaster was on the horizon.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 8:09 pm to MizzouSEC2012
Disaster on the horizon...that's what I like to hear
Posted on 10/24/12 at 8:18 pm to MizzouSEC2012
This current picks up right into a corner on the river where rocks sit above the water. So we all make our way through the corner without any troubles and park to watch this ensuing drama/comedy unfold. The black bear had no idea how to drive a canoe, and everything he managed to do was being counteracted by the dumb brother. So the canoe is floating sideways down the river and I'm sitting there thinking once again oh frick what's about to happen even though I know. He runs the canoe straight into the rock where the current is fast and the canoe is stuck on the rock. The two idiots say they can't get it off so I tell the idiot in the front that he should try to get out of the canoe and pull it off the rock since the water is only like 1.5 ft deep. I already know what's going to happen because this idiot did everything wrong but the weight in the back probably didn't help matters and the dumb arse dumps the black bear into the raging water. I'm sitting here thinking he's morphed before my eyes from a black bear into a hippo because his belly is keeping him afloat. Now naturally he needs help to get on his feet and over to the shore where the bus is still parked. So instead of attempting to walk around the corner and bypass the raging water he decided to go and wait in the prius with air conditioning the entire 6 hour float while we went down the river. 
. Man what I would have given to convince him to jump off one of the cliffs we jumped off and watch the tsunami that ensued. Anyways we made our journey down the river and found him sitting in the prius the entire day , but this trip is the greatest float trip in the world and I have pictures of the boat tipping, the mistaken dad, ..... pictures shortly
. Man what I would have given to convince him to jump off one of the cliffs we jumped off and watch the tsunami that ensued. Anyways we made our journey down the river and found him sitting in the prius the entire day , but this trip is the greatest float trip in the world and I have pictures of the boat tipping, the mistaken dad, ..... pictures shortly This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 8:22 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 8:38 pm to MizzouSEC2012
Post you float pics and I'll post mine first thing tomorrow morning.
I think I know where you're talking about. The Current River at Van Buren. I go at least once a year to Van Buren to float the Current.
At the very beginning of the float a large submerged tree sucks 90 percent of floaters into it's limbs which poke out of the water just above the surface.
At the halfway point there are a few hippies that run a hotdog stand - Chicago style hotdogs and brats. Great food when you're drunk on the river.
Not far from the end, there is a bend in the river where people jump off cliffs. Across from the cliffs is a long sand bar where hundreds of people party on their flat bottom boats, canoes, and inner tubes.
Be careful...the water patrol is a bitch on that stretch of the river. But on a good day you'll usually see at least three sets of dirt leg trashy tits! Keep your eyes open!
I think I know where you're talking about. The Current River at Van Buren. I go at least once a year to Van Buren to float the Current.
At the very beginning of the float a large submerged tree sucks 90 percent of floaters into it's limbs which poke out of the water just above the surface.
At the halfway point there are a few hippies that run a hotdog stand - Chicago style hotdogs and brats. Great food when you're drunk on the river.
Not far from the end, there is a bend in the river where people jump off cliffs. Across from the cliffs is a long sand bar where hundreds of people party on their flat bottom boats, canoes, and inner tubes.
Be careful...the water patrol is a bitch on that stretch of the river. But on a good day you'll usually see at least three sets of dirt leg trashy tits! Keep your eyes open!
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 8:48 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 8:43 pm to mizzoukills
Here they come frick they have to download 
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 8:50 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:00 pm to MizzouSEC2012
I caught a guy shooting up at work last month.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:05 pm to URHatinIt
I got a story for ya'll. Our class meant at this famous pizza place in como tonight (you know the one) and I drank with my professor. now I'm drunk and studying for a chemistry test. 
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:05 pm to mizzoukills
I'm not sure of the location but the way you talk about it the location sounds like the one I described. I don't recall hippies selling hot dogs but I will be on the lookout now. I'm still waiting for the fricking disc to read it has a few scratches I tired to wipe the fricker off I know I'm going to be pissed if this shite won't work
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:07 pm to MizzouSEC2012
MS2.....my nickname for you, remember I only have one working hand
Fabulous detail, I could envision the whole fiasco!
Two of my best friends in HS were catholic. What a bedlam with 15 siblings between them. I don't think I ever learned all the rug rats names! But families that size learn to get organized and have riotous fun.
Fabulous detail, I could envision the whole fiasco!
Two of my best friends in HS were catholic. What a bedlam with 15 siblings between them. I don't think I ever learned all the rug rats names! But families that size learn to get organized and have riotous fun.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:10 pm to mizzoukills
That looks like the Queen contest from a walk for life event, maybe at Hillcrest??
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:12 pm to Tackle74
North Missouri. You need to go north!
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:15 pm to Bogie00
I hated being catholic and having to go to a catholic school for the first 2 years of schooling it was horrible
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:16 pm to Bogie00
I have an uncle that's a pretty rough dude. He's always got the best intentions, but he's just kind of a mess overall. He works in construction, makes great money when he's working, but only works about 6-7 months out of the year. He constantly lives in weekly apartments here in town, but can leave at a moment's notice whenever there's work in the region. He's never been in the same place for 6 months at a time for as long as I've known him.
Anyways, he's my mother's brother. My parents were divorced when I was in elementary school, but he's always maintained a friendship with my father out in Chicago.
Freshman year of high school it's decided I'm going to go visit my father and that side of the family for Christmas, and my uncle decides he wants to join. No problem, we'll hang out and have a good time.
A week beforehand my uncle decides he wants to bring his girlfriend. We'd never heard of this woman before, but hey...it's Christmas. I meet her, and she's certainly a stripper or hooker of some sort. Which is weird. However, this is Vegas, and it's not the first time I'm being exposed to this type of thing. She seems cool, and hopefully she's got presents or money for me for Christmas. Always the money.
Since her addition to the holiday festivities was late, she was on a different flight than we were. We drop her off at her gate in the other terminal, and run over to ours. We'll be flying into O'Hare, and she's going to Midway. Dad's going to pick her up at Midway and we'll all meet up at O'Hare and take the trip out to the suburbs together.
We land at O'Hare, and dad's not there. People don't really have cell phones, so we're sitting on the curb in cold arse Chicago waiting for him to show up. We call the house, they say he left on time, so we wait. We get a page in the terminal for a phone call, to be informed by dad (still at Midway) that the broad hasn't shown up. He's been there for an hour and a half and she's nowhere to be found, and isn't answering pages.
We tell him to come get us, and we'll go back to Midway and have three people looking instead of just one guy that's never met her. Get picks us up, and we drive back to Midway Airport. We hang out there for an hour or so (about 3 hours after she was to land) and decide to drive out to the suburbs. We just assumed she didn't stay on the plane, despite the fact that we actually witnessed her get onto the plane.
Make it back home, dad and uncle have some beers, we have some catfish for dinner, and go to bed at about 2AM.
6AM we get a phone call from this broad...She's at some Hyatt near the airport and needs to be picked up.
Silence in the house and the car on the way into the city.
Apparently she met some dude on the plane, decided to frick him, ditched the whole family thing for the night, and assumed it would be fine to call the next morning. A wonderful start to a holiday vacation.
Long story short, by the time she decided to pay for a ticket back to Vegas she:
-Cried at least 20 times
-Got pissed and left the house in 5 degree weather (In Vegas slut attire)
-Tried to turn tricks on a road in a fairly decent Chicago suburb
-Argued for 30 minutes with dad's female roommate.
-Tried to fight said roommate.
By the time it was all over, I was so happy to be home. Land in Vegas after an awkwardly quiet flight home with my uncle (The whole vibe of the vacation took a turn when we figured out she was an actual porn star), get picked up by my mom, tell her the whole story while still being somewhat in shock from the whole thing.
Pull up the the house, open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur.
Anyways, he's my mother's brother. My parents were divorced when I was in elementary school, but he's always maintained a friendship with my father out in Chicago.
Freshman year of high school it's decided I'm going to go visit my father and that side of the family for Christmas, and my uncle decides he wants to join. No problem, we'll hang out and have a good time.
A week beforehand my uncle decides he wants to bring his girlfriend. We'd never heard of this woman before, but hey...it's Christmas. I meet her, and she's certainly a stripper or hooker of some sort. Which is weird. However, this is Vegas, and it's not the first time I'm being exposed to this type of thing. She seems cool, and hopefully she's got presents or money for me for Christmas. Always the money.
Since her addition to the holiday festivities was late, she was on a different flight than we were. We drop her off at her gate in the other terminal, and run over to ours. We'll be flying into O'Hare, and she's going to Midway. Dad's going to pick her up at Midway and we'll all meet up at O'Hare and take the trip out to the suburbs together.
We land at O'Hare, and dad's not there. People don't really have cell phones, so we're sitting on the curb in cold arse Chicago waiting for him to show up. We call the house, they say he left on time, so we wait. We get a page in the terminal for a phone call, to be informed by dad (still at Midway) that the broad hasn't shown up. He's been there for an hour and a half and she's nowhere to be found, and isn't answering pages.
We tell him to come get us, and we'll go back to Midway and have three people looking instead of just one guy that's never met her. Get picks us up, and we drive back to Midway Airport. We hang out there for an hour or so (about 3 hours after she was to land) and decide to drive out to the suburbs. We just assumed she didn't stay on the plane, despite the fact that we actually witnessed her get onto the plane.
Make it back home, dad and uncle have some beers, we have some catfish for dinner, and go to bed at about 2AM.
6AM we get a phone call from this broad...She's at some Hyatt near the airport and needs to be picked up.
Silence in the house and the car on the way into the city.
Apparently she met some dude on the plane, decided to frick him, ditched the whole family thing for the night, and assumed it would be fine to call the next morning. A wonderful start to a holiday vacation.
Long story short, by the time she decided to pay for a ticket back to Vegas she:
-Cried at least 20 times
-Got pissed and left the house in 5 degree weather (In Vegas slut attire)
-Tried to turn tricks on a road in a fairly decent Chicago suburb
-Argued for 30 minutes with dad's female roommate.
-Tried to fight said roommate.
By the time it was all over, I was so happy to be home. Land in Vegas after an awkwardly quiet flight home with my uncle (The whole vibe of the vacation took a turn when we figured out she was an actual porn star), get picked up by my mom, tell her the whole story while still being somewhat in shock from the whole thing.
Pull up the the house, open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur.
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 9:19 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 9:17 pm to mizzoukills
Just guessing years ago had a good friend who is 300+ pounds get talked into trying out for queen of the walk at the Hillcrest Walk. Not sure if it still is but the Hillcrest Walk for Life was huge when I taught on the Hill
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