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re: Tiger Tales: True Confessions, Brushes With Fame & Infamous Tiger Escapades!
Posted on 10/24/12 at 12:06 pm to reedus23
Posted on 10/24/12 at 12:06 pm to reedus23
reedus23 That is priceless! Good family ribbing around the turkey table kinda stuff. Maybe two p***ies and a polecat! Your son must be brave or foolhardy.
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Posted on 10/24/12 at 12:20 pm to mizzoukills
2005 - shortly before my father passed away in Jacksonville.
My Grandfather was working with the cattle on the farm when mid-day approached. He closed the gate to the pasture behind him and he drove back into town to eat lunch with Grandma.
He parked in the driveway and sat in the truck for a few minutes to listen to Rush finish his thought on AM radio. At the next commercial break, he got out of the truck and walked up to the back door.
It was locked. Grandma and Grandpa never locked the house. Sharpsburg is a small and trusting farm community with a population of 627. Crimes rarely occurred here.
Grandpa couldn't find the house key inside the truck, so he walked to the front of the house to try the front door. It too was locked.
This didn't make sense. Grandma's car was sitting in the driveway and she would've called Grandpa if she planned to be away from the house during lunch. Grandpa was confused and worried...
(continued in future post)
My Grandfather was working with the cattle on the farm when mid-day approached. He closed the gate to the pasture behind him and he drove back into town to eat lunch with Grandma.
He parked in the driveway and sat in the truck for a few minutes to listen to Rush finish his thought on AM radio. At the next commercial break, he got out of the truck and walked up to the back door.
It was locked. Grandma and Grandpa never locked the house. Sharpsburg is a small and trusting farm community with a population of 627. Crimes rarely occurred here.
Grandpa couldn't find the house key inside the truck, so he walked to the front of the house to try the front door. It too was locked.
This didn't make sense. Grandma's car was sitting in the driveway and she would've called Grandpa if she planned to be away from the house during lunch. Grandpa was confused and worried...
(continued in future post)
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 2:22 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 12:33 pm to mizzoukills
[story continued]
Grandpa walked around the house to the back porch. He peered through the back door and immediately saw Grandma sitting in the kitchen talking on the phone. That wasn't uncommon. Grandma spent a lot of time talking on the phone with her old lady friends.
He loudly knocked on the door, "Charlotte! Let me in! Why is the door locked?"
Grandma looked at him and smiled. She jestured to him with her index finger signaling "one moment" and she continued to talk on the phone.
This pissed off Grandpa because it was hot outside, he was hungry, and Grandma had locked him out of the house while she gossiped on the phone.
Grandpa began to knock harder on the back door, "Charlotte, let me in now! It's hot out here and I don't have the key! Tell whomever you're speaking to that you'll call them back. Unlock the door, Charlotte!"
Grandma once again looked at Grandpa and smiled. She jestered "one moment" with her finger and continued talking on the phone.
Grandpa took a step back from the door to calm down. he thought what in the world is going on?
[story continues in future post]
Grandpa walked around the house to the back porch. He peered through the back door and immediately saw Grandma sitting in the kitchen talking on the phone. That wasn't uncommon. Grandma spent a lot of time talking on the phone with her old lady friends.
He loudly knocked on the door, "Charlotte! Let me in! Why is the door locked?"
Grandma looked at him and smiled. She jestured to him with her index finger signaling "one moment" and she continued to talk on the phone.
This pissed off Grandpa because it was hot outside, he was hungry, and Grandma had locked him out of the house while she gossiped on the phone.
Grandpa began to knock harder on the back door, "Charlotte, let me in now! It's hot out here and I don't have the key! Tell whomever you're speaking to that you'll call them back. Unlock the door, Charlotte!"
Grandma once again looked at Grandpa and smiled. She jestered "one moment" with her finger and continued talking on the phone.
Grandpa took a step back from the door to calm down. he thought what in the world is going on?
[story continues in future post]
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 2:25 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 12:33 pm to mizzoukills
Good hook, our own Mizzou Scherazade....
Crap, myiPad is is warning of low battery. Where did I put that thingy?
Crap, myiPad is is warning of low battery. Where did I put that thingy?
Posted on 10/24/12 at 12:50 pm to mizzoukills
[story continues]
Grandpa approached the back door again and simply peered through the glass. Nothing had changed. Grandma was still talking on the phone.
"Charlotte! Unlock the Goddamn door now! Get off the phone and unlock this door. I'm really upset! Do you hear me, Charlotte?"
Grandma turned and looked at Grandpa. She stood up and stared at him while listening to the conversation on phone. She smiled and walked into the living room, disappearing behind a living room wall.
At that moment, Grandpa heard someone behind him.
"Lewis, what are you doing?"
Grandpa turned around and behind him stood Grandma in her gardening clothes. He didn't say a word for moment while he attempted to grasp the reality of the situation.
"Are you alright, Lewis? I was by the shed working in the grape vines when you arrived. I noticed you standing at the back door for a while. I thought I heard you yell a few times so I came over here to see if you needed me. Is everything okay?"
"But...you...you were inside talking on the phone just a moment ago. Why did you lock the house?"
"I wasn't inside talking on the phone, Lewis. I haven't spoken to anyone on the phone today. I've been working in the garden most of the morning. And the house shouldn't be locked. I didn't lock the doors."
"Well it is locked! Both the front and back doors are locked and you were just sitting in the kitchen on the phone! I don't understand why you're playing this game with me, Charlotte!"
"Lewis, I'm not playing games with you. I haven't been in the house for at least an hour. I haven't been on the phone. And I didn't lock the doors. Are you okay, hun?"
"Well, Charlotte, the doors are locked. Look, I'll show you."
Grandpa grabbed the door knob and pulled. It opened. The house was unlocked.
The end.
-Ms. Sue
Grandpa approached the back door again and simply peered through the glass. Nothing had changed. Grandma was still talking on the phone.
"Charlotte! Unlock the Goddamn door now! Get off the phone and unlock this door. I'm really upset! Do you hear me, Charlotte?"
Grandma turned and looked at Grandpa. She stood up and stared at him while listening to the conversation on phone. She smiled and walked into the living room, disappearing behind a living room wall.
At that moment, Grandpa heard someone behind him.
"Lewis, what are you doing?"
Grandpa turned around and behind him stood Grandma in her gardening clothes. He didn't say a word for moment while he attempted to grasp the reality of the situation.
"Are you alright, Lewis? I was by the shed working in the grape vines when you arrived. I noticed you standing at the back door for a while. I thought I heard you yell a few times so I came over here to see if you needed me. Is everything okay?"
"But...you...you were inside talking on the phone just a moment ago. Why did you lock the house?"
"I wasn't inside talking on the phone, Lewis. I haven't spoken to anyone on the phone today. I've been working in the garden most of the morning. And the house shouldn't be locked. I didn't lock the doors."
"Well it is locked! Both the front and back doors are locked and you were just sitting in the kitchen on the phone! I don't understand why you're playing this game with me, Charlotte!"
"Lewis, I'm not playing games with you. I haven't been in the house for at least an hour. I haven't been on the phone. And I didn't lock the doors. Are you okay, hun?"
"Well, Charlotte, the doors are locked. Look, I'll show you."
Grandpa grabbed the door knob and pulled. It opened. The house was unlocked.
The end.
-Ms. Sue
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 2:27 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 1:02 pm to mizzoukills
I was expecting to learn he kicked in the door of the wrong house. Haunted farmhouse, huh?
I couldn't find the scared face
I couldn't find the scared facePosted on 10/24/12 at 1:03 pm to mizzoukills
I was waiting for the twin sister grandpa never knew about.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 1:05 pm to reedus23
quote:
I was waiting for the twin sister grandpa never knew about.
good, better ^^BEST^^
Posted on 10/24/12 at 1:28 pm to mizzoukills
kills,
Thanks for the story. I suppose you composed that while painting your next masterpiece, completing your calls for UNICEF and trolling to rid the rant of degenerates.
Thanks for the story. I suppose you composed that while painting your next masterpiece, completing your calls for UNICEF and trolling to rid the rant of degenerates.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 1:36 pm to Bogie00
Yeah, thanks for the story. 
Gotta know, what was the deal? Old age? One too many beers? Or just no explanation?
Gotta know, what was the deal? Old age? One too many beers? Or just no explanation?
Posted on 10/24/12 at 1:41 pm to Bogie00
Crazy thing is that this hasn't been a one time occurance. Weird things happen in their house all of the time. My mother and my aunts and uncles have a multitude of stories concerning the ghost(s) in that house.
However, this is the first time that the ghost has taken on the identity of a living individual. It's the first time that the ghost has impersonated a real person which I think is exceptionally creepy.
However, this is the first time that the ghost has taken on the identity of a living individual. It's the first time that the ghost has impersonated a real person which I think is exceptionally creepy.
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 1:44 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 1:45 pm to mizzoukills
Soon I'll tell y'all about Cousin Audrey. That story will blow your mind...
Posted on 10/24/12 at 2:28 pm to mizzoukills
I'll wait to tell the Cousin Audrey story later. First I'll tell you about Christmas in St. Louis with my wife's family in 2006.
Tuck yourselves in! Storytime is coming!
Tuck yourselves in! Storytime is coming!
Posted on 10/24/12 at 3:43 pm to mizzoukills
I want storytime! 
Posted on 10/24/12 at 4:16 pm to mizzoukills
quote:
The end.
MIND. BLOWN.
Posted on 10/24/12 at 4:34 pm to FightTigers
Alright kiddos...here I go:
Christmas evening - 2006.
I'm driving from Northeast Missouri to St. Louis to meet my wife (my girlfriend at this point) at her aunt's house for their family Christmas party. I'm looking good...nice fitted Christmas sweater, recent haircut, perfect 5 o'clock shadow, brand new dress shoes. At this point I'm sick of Christmas music so instead of that crap I'm blasting The Urge in my car. Nothing like hardcore ska at Christmas time!
I roll into St. Louis and pull out the directions to my wife's family Christmas party. I drive thru Florissant and onto back roads that eventually lead me to an off-the-beaten-path neighborhood that I'll never again locate without directions.
The last part of my wife's directions indicated that when I arrived to the corner of Melbourne and Fick, I should "see a bunch of cars in front of a house overly decorated with Christmas lights. That's my aunt's house." When I pulled up to Melbourne and Fick, that's exactly what I saw - about 15 cars parked in the driveway and along the street.
I parked the car and I started walking toward the house. A middle aged lady, clearly drunk, was staggering up the sidewalk toward the front door and as we approached the house, she turned to me and said, "Hello! Glad you could make it! Happy to see you," then she grabbed my face and gave me a kiss.
I started to laugh and went, "Whoo Hoo! This is great! You rock," and we both laughed for a moment.
I said, "Should I just go on in? Becca's here, right?"
The drunk lady said, "Yeah, she's in there somewhere. Just go on in! Here, allow me," and she opened the front door for me.
[continued]
Christmas evening - 2006.
I'm driving from Northeast Missouri to St. Louis to meet my wife (my girlfriend at this point) at her aunt's house for their family Christmas party. I'm looking good...nice fitted Christmas sweater, recent haircut, perfect 5 o'clock shadow, brand new dress shoes. At this point I'm sick of Christmas music so instead of that crap I'm blasting The Urge in my car. Nothing like hardcore ska at Christmas time!
I roll into St. Louis and pull out the directions to my wife's family Christmas party. I drive thru Florissant and onto back roads that eventually lead me to an off-the-beaten-path neighborhood that I'll never again locate without directions.
The last part of my wife's directions indicated that when I arrived to the corner of Melbourne and Fick, I should "see a bunch of cars in front of a house overly decorated with Christmas lights. That's my aunt's house." When I pulled up to Melbourne and Fick, that's exactly what I saw - about 15 cars parked in the driveway and along the street.
I parked the car and I started walking toward the house. A middle aged lady, clearly drunk, was staggering up the sidewalk toward the front door and as we approached the house, she turned to me and said, "Hello! Glad you could make it! Happy to see you," then she grabbed my face and gave me a kiss.
I started to laugh and went, "Whoo Hoo! This is great! You rock," and we both laughed for a moment.
I said, "Should I just go on in? Becca's here, right?"
The drunk lady said, "Yeah, she's in there somewhere. Just go on in! Here, allow me," and she opened the front door for me.
[continued]
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 4:38 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 4:49 pm to mizzoukills
[continued]
I walked into the house and there were several people in the living room, all college to middle age women. Everyone looked at me and said, "Merry Christmas," and we exchanged hugs or handshakes.
I'd been driving for nearly two hours and I had to go to the bathroom badly. I had put off stopping at a gas station to use the bathroom so that I could make it to my wife's family Christmas on time.
I turned to the drunk lady standing behind me and I sheepishly whispered, "Can you please tell me where the bathroom is? As you know, I've been driving for like two hours, so I kinda need to use it."
She whispered back, "No problem, honey. Follow me."
I closed the bathroom door behind me and proceeded to take a shite. It felt like it would never end! My family's Christmas dinner had done a number on my insides.
About 10 minutes later and after many sprays of bathroom poo-pourri, I exited the bathroom and made my way to the kitchen.
The kitchen was stocked full of finger food and alcohol. I walked past a couple of college girls and loaded a small plastic plate with broccoli, carrots, cheese and crackers, etc.
One of the girls looked at me and said, "Hi, I'm Andrea. Glad you could make it! Wanna beer?"
I said, "Sure! I appreciate it! Yeah, it's a bit of a drive from Hannibal to here, but hey, I finally made it!"
We all clicked our beer bottles together and took a few drinks.
[continued]
I walked into the house and there were several people in the living room, all college to middle age women. Everyone looked at me and said, "Merry Christmas," and we exchanged hugs or handshakes.
I'd been driving for nearly two hours and I had to go to the bathroom badly. I had put off stopping at a gas station to use the bathroom so that I could make it to my wife's family Christmas on time.
I turned to the drunk lady standing behind me and I sheepishly whispered, "Can you please tell me where the bathroom is? As you know, I've been driving for like two hours, so I kinda need to use it."
She whispered back, "No problem, honey. Follow me."
I closed the bathroom door behind me and proceeded to take a shite. It felt like it would never end! My family's Christmas dinner had done a number on my insides.
About 10 minutes later and after many sprays of bathroom poo-pourri, I exited the bathroom and made my way to the kitchen.
The kitchen was stocked full of finger food and alcohol. I walked past a couple of college girls and loaded a small plastic plate with broccoli, carrots, cheese and crackers, etc.
One of the girls looked at me and said, "Hi, I'm Andrea. Glad you could make it! Wanna beer?"
I said, "Sure! I appreciate it! Yeah, it's a bit of a drive from Hannibal to here, but hey, I finally made it!"
We all clicked our beer bottles together and took a few drinks.
[continued]
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 5:10 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 5:07 pm to mizzoukills
OK, damn it. You just can't stop in the middle of this shite! 
Keep going, it says continued at the bottom of the post..... common man! You kill'n me man!
Keep going, it says continued at the bottom of the post..... common man! You kill'n me man!Posted on 10/24/12 at 5:08 pm to mizzoukills
[continued]
I flirted a bit with the girls in the kitchen. It was fun. I showed them a few magic tricks and they begged me to show them the secret. I played coy and never relented. We shared laughs and a couple of beers. They were nice girls.
After about 15 - 20 minutes, I asked the girls, "So, is Becca here?"
One girl said, "She's probably down stairs. That's where most everyone is at."
An open door led from the kitchen to the basement down long stairs that curved out of sight. The deep bass of Christmas music beat up the stairwell into the kitchen. The hearty laughter of a large group of people echoed throughout the house.
I was about to go downstairs when one of the girls said, "So, you're one of Rebecca's friends?"
I said, "Yeah, I guess you could say that. I'm her boyfriend."
The girls looked at each other and their eyes widened.
"Rebecca doesn't have a boyfriend...or at least we didn't know it. "
Confused, I said, "You mean she hasn't told anyone? I've been dating her for nearly two years!"
And then it hit me!
I asked in a serious tone, "Is this the Champion residence?"
One of the girls said, "What? Champion?"
"Yeah, is this the Champion family Christmas?!!!"
"No. This is the Garner Christmas party. This is the mayor's annual party."
My face flushed red and I looked at the girls and quietly said, "Oh my god! I think I'm at the wrong house! Please don't tell anyone. I must've been given bad directions! I think my girlfriend's family Christmas is at another house across the street.
They both started laughing and I ran out of the house. I went to my car and called my girlfriend on my cell phone.
"Honey...where the hell are you? Can you please come outside?"
A moment later she walked out of the house across the street - the house with two bushes of Christmas lights and four cars in the driveway.
I walked across the street and said to my girlfriend, "So, your aunt's house is the overly decorated house with all of the cars parked in front of it? Awesome directions, honey. I just took a poop in the mayor's house."
That is now a Christmas legend that is told each year during her family's Christmas party.
The end.
-Ms. Sue
I flirted a bit with the girls in the kitchen. It was fun. I showed them a few magic tricks and they begged me to show them the secret. I played coy and never relented. We shared laughs and a couple of beers. They were nice girls.
After about 15 - 20 minutes, I asked the girls, "So, is Becca here?"
One girl said, "She's probably down stairs. That's where most everyone is at."
An open door led from the kitchen to the basement down long stairs that curved out of sight. The deep bass of Christmas music beat up the stairwell into the kitchen. The hearty laughter of a large group of people echoed throughout the house.
I was about to go downstairs when one of the girls said, "So, you're one of Rebecca's friends?"
I said, "Yeah, I guess you could say that. I'm her boyfriend."
The girls looked at each other and their eyes widened.
"Rebecca doesn't have a boyfriend...or at least we didn't know it. "
Confused, I said, "You mean she hasn't told anyone? I've been dating her for nearly two years!"
And then it hit me!
I asked in a serious tone, "Is this the Champion residence?"
One of the girls said, "What? Champion?"
"Yeah, is this the Champion family Christmas?!!!"
"No. This is the Garner Christmas party. This is the mayor's annual party."
My face flushed red and I looked at the girls and quietly said, "Oh my god! I think I'm at the wrong house! Please don't tell anyone. I must've been given bad directions! I think my girlfriend's family Christmas is at another house across the street.
They both started laughing and I ran out of the house. I went to my car and called my girlfriend on my cell phone.
"Honey...where the hell are you? Can you please come outside?"
A moment later she walked out of the house across the street - the house with two bushes of Christmas lights and four cars in the driveway.
I walked across the street and said to my girlfriend, "So, your aunt's house is the overly decorated house with all of the cars parked in front of it? Awesome directions, honey. I just took a poop in the mayor's house."
That is now a Christmas legend that is told each year during her family's Christmas party.
The end.
-Ms. Sue
This post was edited on 10/24/12 at 5:14 pm
Posted on 10/24/12 at 5:13 pm to mizzoukills
what the hell I would have been mortified after all of that 
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