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SEC teams as a drug
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:32 pm
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:32 pm
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quote:
ALABAMA: Cocaine. Undefeated, except for the big blank spots in the record taken by criminal sanction. Powerful. Can turn you into an unbelievable a-hole. Expensive, and has a strong correlation with criminal behavior. Brought to you by a vast, shadowy cartel.
AUBURN: Knockoff cocaine. Strong correlation with criminal behavior. High highs; lows often associated with cash-only exchanges. Brought to you by a small, shadowy cartel.
FLORIDA: Meth. Really only got big after 1990. Violent binges interspersed with long dormant periods. Commonalities: scaly skin, high profit margins, chews through management quickly, occasional disastrous explosions.
GEORGIA: Unsure about Georgia. Zero pattern, pretty good but not great, numbing...Xanax. UGA is Xanax.
LSU: Bourbon. Fuel for great achievements and ill-advised sexual escapades. Might make love to you. Might kill you with a shovel. Damages long term memory with repeated exposures.
TENNESSEE: Ketamine. Creates a trapped, hole-like experience for the user. Label on vial says "For use on subhuman primates only."
VANDERBILT: Nutmeg. Horrible visions, nausea, the last resort of desperate sailors.
KENTUCKY: Methadone. The sad substitute for the drug you cannot get.
TEXAS A&M: Acid. The drug most compatible with creating cults. Wild visions, never wears off. Makes you say things like, "hey, did you notice dog and God are the same words?"
MISSISSIPPI STATE: Mescaline, because you hear bells too, right?
MIZZOU: Over-the-counter ephedrine pills.Induces paranoia, sleeplessness, inability to sit still. May cause you to ice own kicker.
OLE MISS: Keyboard cleaner.
SOUTH CAROLINA: Gas-huffing. Hard to explain the appeal to non-devotees. Headaches, vomiting, delusions. Users are loyal beyond all
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:34 pm to Gatoreng5
quote:
GEORGIA: Unsure about Georgia. Zero pattern, pretty good but not great, numbing...Xanax. UGA is Xanax.
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:36 pm to Gatoreng5
quote:
OLE MISS: Keyboard cleaner.
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:37 pm to Gatoreng5
Germans, it's kind of funny I guess though
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:38 pm to UKWildcatsFAN
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OHIO STATE: Weed. Wildly popular. Gets smoked by SEC football players in bowls.
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:40 pm to Gatoreng5
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ARKANSAS: Ayahuasca. a potent hallucinogen. "A religious sacrament that makes you see demons." NAILED IT.
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:40 pm to Gatoreng5
This was posted two days ago.
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:40 pm to Gatoreng5
quote:
TENNESSEE: Ketamine. Creates a trapped, hole-like experience for the user. Label on vial says "For use on subhuman primates only."
Could be funnier. Should have used moonshine
ETA: Bath salts, I wanna be bath salts!
This post was edited on 7/7/12 at 5:41 pm
Posted on 7/7/12 at 5:44 pm to Gatoreng5
EDSBS's writer is not that funny. His Fulmer Cup is cool, but that is about the extent of it.
Posted on 7/7/12 at 7:49 pm to diddydirtyAubie
quote:
EDSBS's writer is not that funny
wimpy, hipster soccer nerd.
Posted on 7/7/12 at 10:45 pm to Numberwang
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