2011 SEC Football Predictions

Now that the 2010-11 recruiting season by and large has reached a conclusion, its a good time to preview the upcoming 2011 SEC Football Season. Unfortunately, the future does not look so bright for many SEC schools.

Auburn: The Icarus of the SEC
* Unfortunately "All In" becomes "arse out".
* The easiest SEC schedule in conference history flips and AU plays all games vs. SEC contenders on the road.
* 5 senior OL replaced by true freshman spells the beginning of the end for Malzahn's brilliance.
* The shadow of Victoryland indictments cripple the program as boosters run for the hills.
* Paper 5 star recruits flee the program and do not bear fruit, leading to the snake oil salesman Trooper Taylor skipping town.
* Conclusion: AU goes (4-8).

Alabama: A Program on the Decline
* Sabear loses control of program and the tide roll down the drain.
* Saban in his 5th year has no idea what to do for an encore. "I have never been anywhere for 5 full years aight, relative to coaching football."
* Unfortunately Rivals inflated recruiting rankings do not translate to on the field accomplishments.
* The worst 2nd half in Iron Bowl history is a preview of the future. The heart of the program has eroded.
* Rivals Tennessee and Auburn eclipse the man in the gay straw hat.
* Conclusion: Alabama goes (3-9)

Florida: The Tebocalypse continues
* Inexperienced HC and morbidly obese OC try to learn on the job how to win in the SEC. Not good.
* Brantley's confidence is shot as the shadow of Tebow finally swallows its first QB victim.
* FSU replaces UF as the hot program in the state.
* Felony after felony after felony disrupts the team's entire season.
* SEC West foes LSU and a weary Alabama prove too much to handle.
* Conclusion: UF goes (3-9)

Arkansas: The SEC's midwestern cousin
* Petrino's departure mid-Spring practice shocks the Hog nation and leaves the program in shambles.
* Young OB and RB have trouble running behind a OL that generally takes 2 to 3 years to build.
* After an abysmal fiscal year, Wal-Mart executives demand a refund from the program, leaving the Arkansas facilities back in the dark ages.
* Conclusion: Arkansas goes (2-10)

Georgia: Zombie Program
* Richt replaces bad assistants with worse assistants
* 5 UGA mascot replacements commit suicide by running into traffic.
* Memories of the blackout continue to haunt the program
* Inflated recruiting rankings cannot save the sinking ship
* Conclusion: Georgia goes (3-9)

Tennessee: The Dooley Debacle
* Dooley loses his Saban pocket guide to running a college football team.
* The lack of a true recruiting base cripples UTs ability to bring in talent.
* J. Jackson's dad fired as coach of East Tennessee community college. Jackson leaves UT for McNeese St.
* The Payton Manning butt cheek scandal, Bruce Pearl infractions, and the Kiffin debacle forever cripple the once proud SEC power.
* UT fan base realize they do not in fact want to be on Rocky Top ever again and promptly pay their telephone bills
* Prediction: UT goes (1-11)

Cocks: It's the OBC, it ain't no young BC. It's the OBC. Doing that old sh*t.
* Trip to SEC championship gets Spurrier's lifetime membership to Augusta etched in stone.
* USC loss of in state talent to Clemson takes its toll.
* Stephen Garcia's record 7th medical redshirt cannot help the Cocks.
* Conclusion: Cocks go (2-10)

Mississippi State: Fools Gold
* Kenny Rogers and John Bond get caught in a sting operation and have to spill the beans on 30 years of NCAA infractions.
* NCAA pardons Moo U. "Miss State failed so horribly at cheating that we deem the best punishment is to continue to let them have a team."
* Mullen loses his house gambling in Tunica and the financial crisis becomes a huge distraction.
* Prediction: MSU (0-12)

The Ackbars: Paradise Lost
* Houston Nutt. That is all.
* Prediction: UM goes (0-12)

Vandy: Gone Too Soon
* Best Coach in school history Robbie Caldwell returns to breeding livestock. Best orator in the history of SEC Media Days is lost.
* Steve Martin look a like pursues career in comedy.
* Prediction: Vandy goes (0-12)

Kentucky: Ashley Judd rules
* Ashley Judd hired as head coach. Beautiful woman. Not good football coach.
* Prediction: Kentucky goes (0-12)

LSU: Contract extention = more time to eat grass
* Problems on the offense are fixed, unfortunately the defense returns to Malveto days.
* LSU fans begin blowing themselves up in anti-Les Miles demonstrations.
* The "Fam" fails to make an impact in year 1.
* Mettenberger gets arrested attending a TD.com event hosted at the Gold Club by Stormy Daniels. "I did not have enough hands to grab everything I wanted." -Mett.
* Jordan Jefferson comes in mid season and leads the Tigers to the SEC championship.
* Conclusion: LSU goes (7-6) and wins the SEC.
* LSU plays an undefeated Ohio State team and beats them 58 to 3 and becomes the first 6 loss national champion in NCAA and BCS history.