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Posted on 8/30/15 at 8:53 am
Posted on 8/30/15 at 8:53 am
LINKFirst they fire their coach this week, now broadcasting football games in Chinese. Will Sum Ting Wong will be the announcer?
17
Posted on 8/30/15 at 11:20 am to AUBorn
How much do pirate earrings cost?
A buccaneer!
HAHAHAHAHA!
(I didn't click the link)
A buccaneer!
HAHAHAHAHA!
(I didn't click the link)
Posted on 8/30/15 at 11:44 am to AgCoug
Why was the little boy afraid of public speaking?
Because he was molested
Because he was molested
Posted on 8/30/15 at 11:51 am to AUBorn
mmmmmm, Balut at the concession stand?
Posted on 8/30/15 at 11:57 am to AUBorn
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two
One to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools.
Two
One to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 12:07 pm to AUBorn
A guy walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic. The bartender hands him an apple. The guy is confused but the bartender tells him to take a bite. He bites into the apple and says, "wow, this tastes like gin." The bartender says, "turn it around." The guy turns the apple around and takes a bite and says, "this tastes like tonic."
Another guy walks in and orders a whiskey coke. The bartender hands him an apple and the guy says, "What is this? I ordered a whiskey and coke." The first guy turns to him and says, "trust me, just take a bite." So he bites into the apple and is amazed that it tastes like coke. The first guy tells him to turn it around, so he does and is delighted to discover that it tastes like whiskey.
A third guy walks into the bar and before he can order, the first two patrons turn to him and say, "No matter what you want, this bartender has magic apples that taste like anything you want." The third guy thinks for a moment then says, "ok, I'll have some pussy." The bartender gives him an apple, the guy takes a bite and spits it out in disgust saying "this tastes like shite." The bartender tells him, "turn it around."
Another guy walks in and orders a whiskey coke. The bartender hands him an apple and the guy says, "What is this? I ordered a whiskey and coke." The first guy turns to him and says, "trust me, just take a bite." So he bites into the apple and is amazed that it tastes like coke. The first guy tells him to turn it around, so he does and is delighted to discover that it tastes like whiskey.
A third guy walks into the bar and before he can order, the first two patrons turn to him and say, "No matter what you want, this bartender has magic apples that taste like anything you want." The third guy thinks for a moment then says, "ok, I'll have some pussy." The bartender gives him an apple, the guy takes a bite and spits it out in disgust saying "this tastes like shite." The bartender tells him, "turn it around."
Posted on 8/30/15 at 12:08 pm to AUBorn
Bad news, the girl you picked up at the bar is only half girl.
Worse news, her dick is bigger than your's
Worse news, her dick is bigger than your's
Posted on 8/30/15 at 12:12 pm to AUBorn
Did you know princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
She was also on the steering wheel and the dashboard
She was also on the steering wheel and the dashboard
Posted on 8/30/15 at 1:00 pm to AUBorn
Wives are like handgrenades.
Remove the ring and your house is gone.
Remove the ring and your house is gone.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 1:16 pm to learnthehardway
Posted on 8/30/15 at 8:33 pm to Tiguar
Not the jokes I expected but great anyway. This is why I read the rant. This post was edited on 8/30/15 at 9:35 pm
Posted on 8/30/15 at 8:53 pm to AUBorn
Why did Paul Walker (Fast & Furious) cross the road?
Because he didn't wear his seatbelt.
Because he didn't wear his seatbelt.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 9:04 pm to AUBorn
Two women sitting silently.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 9:08 pm to SafetySam
An older gentleman came into my work tonight, telling me he and his wife have been married for 49 yrs and next week would be their next anniversary.
He said that on his 25th, it being special, he went all out, as much as he could.. and took her to Costa Rica. Then he said, that this next one being their 50th, he felt he should do something special. So he's going to go back and get her now.
He said that on his 25th, it being special, he went all out, as much as he could.. and took her to Costa Rica. Then he said, that this next one being their 50th, he felt he should do something special. So he's going to go back and get her now.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 9:25 pm to Agforlife
quote:
Bad news, the girl you picked up at the bar is only half girl.
Worse news, her dick is bigger than your's
How many Aggies does it take to fill a jizz jar?
Three. One to fill the jar, one to hold the jar, and the third to watch, and make sure nothing gay happens.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 9:34 pm to AUBorn
What do you get when you throw a grenade in a French kitchen?
Linoleum Blownapart.
Linoleum Blownapart.
Posted on 8/30/15 at 9:37 pm to AUBorn
Posted on 8/30/15 at 10:56 pm to SafetySam
quote:
Two women sitting silently
...thinking.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 2:15 pm to AUBorn
Here's a joke...
Mondale
Ferraro
Mondale
Ferraro
Posted on 8/31/15 at 2:31 pm to Lordofwrath88
Jesus was in heaven watching Jordan Speith and Jason Day battle it out at the PGA, and he says, "That looks like fun. Who wants to go play some golf with me?" No one took him up on playing, but Moses said that he would caddy for him. So they went down to earth and found a course to play.
Jesus, of course, was hitting every shot perfect and had a great round going. The 12th hole was a Par 3 with a 170 yard carry over water. Jesus turns to Moses and says, "give me my 8-iron." Moses says, "You need a 7. Jason Day could get there with an 8, but you need to hit your 7."
Jesus insists on the 8, so Moses gives it to him. Jesus hits a perfect shot, but it isn't enough club and plops in the water. Jesus says, "Moses, go get my ball." Moses goes to the water's edge, holds his hands up, and the water parts. He walks down to get the ball and brings it back to Jesus. "Now, hit the 7 like I told you." Jesus says, "No, I am sure that the 8 is plenty." Moses rolls his eyes. "Jason Day could get there with an 8. You need to hit your 7."
Jesus hits the shot, and again, it comes up short. Jesus tells Moses to go get the ball. Moses says, "Go get your own ball. I told you to hit the 7." Jesus goes down to the lake and starts walking across the water.
By this time, the group behind them had finished the 11th hole and came up in the carts. They see this guy walking across the water, and one of the guys says, "Holy cow! Who does that guy think he is? Jesus Christ?"
Moses says, "No, that is Jesus Christ. He thinks he's Jason Day."
Jesus, of course, was hitting every shot perfect and had a great round going. The 12th hole was a Par 3 with a 170 yard carry over water. Jesus turns to Moses and says, "give me my 8-iron." Moses says, "You need a 7. Jason Day could get there with an 8, but you need to hit your 7."
Jesus insists on the 8, so Moses gives it to him. Jesus hits a perfect shot, but it isn't enough club and plops in the water. Jesus says, "Moses, go get my ball." Moses goes to the water's edge, holds his hands up, and the water parts. He walks down to get the ball and brings it back to Jesus. "Now, hit the 7 like I told you." Jesus says, "No, I am sure that the 8 is plenty." Moses rolls his eyes. "Jason Day could get there with an 8. You need to hit your 7."
Jesus hits the shot, and again, it comes up short. Jesus tells Moses to go get the ball. Moses says, "Go get your own ball. I told you to hit the 7." Jesus goes down to the lake and starts walking across the water.
By this time, the group behind them had finished the 11th hole and came up in the carts. They see this guy walking across the water, and one of the guys says, "Holy cow! Who does that guy think he is? Jesus Christ?"
Moses says, "No, that is Jesus Christ. He thinks he's Jason Day."
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