The head coach matchup: Urban Meyer vs. Nick Saban

Let's face facts. These are two of the best, if not the two best, coaches in the country. The good folk of Gainesville crow about how Meyer's 2 national titles in 3 years place him among the GOAT, while the mulleted misfits of Tuscaloosa point to Saban's program-building ability and extraordinary defensive mind.

I struggle when I look at these two as to who to pull for in the SEC Championship Game. Both are clearly fairly smug and self-assured (and for good reason). Both have earned reputations, deserved or not, as liars. And both are winners.

But for me, I give the nod to Saban. Why?

Because Urban Meyer is evil.

Pure, unadulterated evil.

I am convinced his true form is that of a serpent with 3 heads. I believe that Tim Tebow is a kind soul, but the only way he can actually say and believe the praise he heaps upon his head coach, he is under some kind of powerful enchantment, likely a spell that can only be cast with copious amounts of the blood of baby seals.

Nick Saban, on the other hand, is arrogant, but he's arrogant in the sense that I think he takes himself as a fine patron of the arts, a man with excellent taste in wine, and a person with a good eye for interior design.

Urban Meyer is arrogant because of his evil, seemingly limitless power. He is Emperor Palpatine, corrupting the souls of the good and just to do his bidding. Saban is Donald Trump...slightly annoying, clearly dying his hair, but a savvy leader of men. He need not rely on any spellcraft.

I give the nod to Saban, then, because while it's debatable who is the better coach of the two, it is not debatable who has the monopoly on evil.

Look upon Urban Meyer and despair.