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re: Looking for a funny story about college football fans
Posted on 7/15/09 at 10:33 am to N.O. via West-Cal
Posted on 7/15/09 at 10:33 am to N.O. via West-Cal
Fan on Game Day
This is pretty long, but it's HYSTERICAL! If you've ever been drunk at a sporting event, or been with someone who has, you can relate.
This is an e-mail from some guy named J.D. Horne, who, according to themessages that were attached to this, is not a 21 year-old frat boy, but an attorney of indeterminate age. He sent it to his friend Brian Brice and it got forwarded around the country. You have to give the guy some props for being self-deprecating...but I hope I never meet him on game day.
A chronology of events for Saturday, December 4, 1999 , and the earlymorning hours of Sunday, December 5, 1999 :
6:00 Arise, play the Eyes of Texas and Texas Fight at full-freakingblast
6:20 Get in car, drive to New Braunfels
7:30 Tee off (me and a buddy were the FIRST tee-time of the morning)
8:50 Turn 9 (crack open first beer)
8:53 Crack open second beer
8:58 Crack open...(you get the idea)
10:30 Finish 18 (holes, as well as beers), sign scorecard for smoooooth 95
10:35 Headed for San Antonio (Alamodome - Nebraska vs Texas )
10:50 Buy three 18-packs for pre- and post-game festivities
11:10 We decide we don't have enough booze, so we double-back to a liquor store and buy the good ol' 750 ml plastic bottle "Traveler" Jim Beam
11:50 Arrive at the tailgate spot. Awesome day. Not a single cloud in the sky. About 70 degrees.
11:55 I decide that we're going to kick the shite out of Nebraska.
11:56 I tell my first Nebraska fan to go frick himself.
12:15 The UT band walks by on the way to the Alamodome. We're on the second floor of a two-story parking garage on the corner (a couple hundred of us). We're hooting and hollering like wildmen. The band doubles back to the street right below us and serenades us with Texas Fight and The Eyes of Texas . AWESOME MOMENT.
12:25 In the post-serenade serendipity, 50-100 grown men are bumping chests with one another, each and every one of them now secure and certain of the fact that we are going to kick the shite out of Nebraska.
This is pretty long, but it's HYSTERICAL! If you've ever been drunk at a sporting event, or been with someone who has, you can relate.
This is an e-mail from some guy named J.D. Horne, who, according to themessages that were attached to this, is not a 21 year-old frat boy, but an attorney of indeterminate age. He sent it to his friend Brian Brice and it got forwarded around the country. You have to give the guy some props for being self-deprecating...but I hope I never meet him on game day.
A chronology of events for Saturday, December 4, 1999 , and the earlymorning hours of Sunday, December 5, 1999 :
6:00 Arise, play the Eyes of Texas and Texas Fight at full-freakingblast
6:20 Get in car, drive to New Braunfels
7:30 Tee off (me and a buddy were the FIRST tee-time of the morning)
8:50 Turn 9 (crack open first beer)
8:53 Crack open second beer
8:58 Crack open...(you get the idea)
10:30 Finish 18 (holes, as well as beers), sign scorecard for smoooooth 95
10:35 Headed for San Antonio (Alamodome - Nebraska vs Texas )
10:50 Buy three 18-packs for pre- and post-game festivities
11:10 We decide we don't have enough booze, so we double-back to a liquor store and buy the good ol' 750 ml plastic bottle "Traveler" Jim Beam
11:50 Arrive at the tailgate spot. Awesome day. Not a single cloud in the sky. About 70 degrees.
11:55 I decide that we're going to kick the shite out of Nebraska.
11:56 I tell my first Nebraska fan to go frick himself.
12:15 The UT band walks by on the way to the Alamodome. We're on the second floor of a two-story parking garage on the corner (a couple hundred of us). We're hooting and hollering like wildmen. The band doubles back to the street right below us and serenades us with Texas Fight and The Eyes of Texas . AWESOME MOMENT.
12:25 In the post-serenade serendipity, 50-100 grown men are bumping chests with one another, each and every one of them now secure and certain of the fact that we are going to kick the shite out of Nebraska.
1
Posted on 7/15/09 at 10:34 am to Geaux2HellAuburnt
1:00 The Nebraska band walks by on the way to the Alamodome. Again, we hoot and holler like wildmen. Again, the band doubles back and stops right below us to serenade us, this time, however, with the Nebraska fight songs. Although somewhat impressed by their spirit and verve, we remain convinced that we are going to kick the shite out of Nebraska .
1:30 I begin the walk to the Alamodome, somehow managing to stuff the "Traveler" and 11 cans of beer into my pants.
1:47 I am in line surrounded by Nebraska fans. They are taunting me. I am taunting back, still certain that we are going to kick the shite out of Nebraska . I decide to challenge a particularly vocal Nebraska fan to play what I now call and will forever be remembered as Cell-Phone Flop Out." Remember flop out for a dollar? The rules are similar. I tell this Nebraska jackass that if he's so confident in his team, he should "flop out" his cell phone RIGHT NOW and make plane reservations to Phoenix for the Fiesta Bowl. And then I spoke these memorable words: "And not those damn refundable tickets, either! You request those non-refundable, non-transferrable sons-of-bitches!" He backs down. He is unworthy. I call Southwest Airlines and buy two tickets to Phoenix, non-refundable and non-transferrable. Price: $712. He is humbled. He lowers his head in shame. I raise my cell phone in triumph to the cheers of hundreds of Texas fans. I am KING and these are my subjects. I distribute the 11 beers in my pants to the cheering masses. I RULE the pre-game kingdom.
2:34 Kickoff. Brimming with confidence, I open the Traveler and pour my first stiffy.
2:45 I notice something troubling: Nebraska is big. Nebraska is fast. Nebraska is very pissed off at Texas .
3:01 The first quarter mercifully ends. 9 yards total offense for Texas . Zero first downs for Texas . I'm still talking shite. I pour another stiffy from the Traveler.
3:36 Four minutes to go in the first half: the Traveler is a dead soldier. I buy my first $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. While I am standing in line, a center snap nearly decapitates Major Applewhite and rolls out of the end zone. Safety
3:56 Halftime score: Nebraska 15, Texas 0. I wish I had another Traveler.
4:11 While urinating next to a Nebraska fan in the bathroom at halftime, I attempt to revive the classic Brice-ism from the South Bend bathroom: "Hey, buddy, niiiiiiiiice cock." He is unamused.
4:21 I buy my 2nd and 3rd $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. I share my beer with two high school girls sitting behind me. Surprisingly, they are equipped with a flask full of vodka. I send them off to purchase Sprites, so that we may consume their vodka. I have not lost faith. Nebraska is a bunch of pussies.
1:30 I begin the walk to the Alamodome, somehow managing to stuff the "Traveler" and 11 cans of beer into my pants.
1:47 I am in line surrounded by Nebraska fans. They are taunting me. I am taunting back, still certain that we are going to kick the shite out of Nebraska . I decide to challenge a particularly vocal Nebraska fan to play what I now call and will forever be remembered as Cell-Phone Flop Out." Remember flop out for a dollar? The rules are similar. I tell this Nebraska jackass that if he's so confident in his team, he should "flop out" his cell phone RIGHT NOW and make plane reservations to Phoenix for the Fiesta Bowl. And then I spoke these memorable words: "And not those damn refundable tickets, either! You request those non-refundable, non-transferrable sons-of-bitches!" He backs down. He is unworthy. I call Southwest Airlines and buy two tickets to Phoenix, non-refundable and non-transferrable. Price: $712. He is humbled. He lowers his head in shame. I raise my cell phone in triumph to the cheers of hundreds of Texas fans. I am KING and these are my subjects. I distribute the 11 beers in my pants to the cheering masses. I RULE the pre-game kingdom.
2:34 Kickoff. Brimming with confidence, I open the Traveler and pour my first stiffy.
2:45 I notice something troubling: Nebraska is big. Nebraska is fast. Nebraska is very pissed off at Texas .
3:01 The first quarter mercifully ends. 9 yards total offense for Texas . Zero first downs for Texas . I'm still talking shite. I pour another stiffy from the Traveler.
3:36 Four minutes to go in the first half: the Traveler is a dead soldier. I buy my first $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. While I am standing in line, a center snap nearly decapitates Major Applewhite and rolls out of the end zone. Safety
3:56 Halftime score: Nebraska 15, Texas 0. I wish I had another Traveler.
4:11 While urinating next to a Nebraska fan in the bathroom at halftime, I attempt to revive the classic Brice-ism from the South Bend bathroom: "Hey, buddy, niiiiiiiiice cock." He is unamused.
4:21 I buy my 2nd and 3rd $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. I share my beer with two high school girls sitting behind me. Surprisingly, they are equipped with a flask full of vodka. I send them off to purchase Sprites, so that we may consume their vodka. I have not lost faith. Nebraska is a bunch of pussies.
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