re: What's your favorite Mitch Hedberg joke?

My sig quote

ETA: Also love the whole rap on bread and ducks.

"I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread."

"If I worked at a store and a duck came in I would like just give him some bread— "sure man no problem— tell your friends"—- but I would not give him Pepperidge Farm bread.... You know that stuff right? you open it and it still ain't open. That is why I do not buy it. Cause I do not need another step between me and toast."

"Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care, it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck."